Broken marriage

Broken marriage

Postby Spreading Salt on Wed Mar 14, 2018 12:42 pm

Dearest Yeshua,

Please be with my dear friend and her daughter. They are in shock over how things have turned out. I pray for strength through this break up. Help those around them to be comforters and provide for the needs where we can. Please don't let her lose any more weight Lord. Guard her heart and mind from depression and anger. Show her the pathway out of the despair. Use me where You can in their lives Lord. Amen
Image
User avatar
Spreading Salt
Supporting Member
 
Posts: 3721
Joined: Mon May 01, 2006 7:29 am
Location: Washington

Re: Broken marriage

Postby burien1 on Wed Mar 14, 2018 12:56 pm

:praying:
Psalm 119:105; Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
User avatar
burien1
MODERATOR
 
Posts: 8671
Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2007 7:57 pm

Re: Broken marriage

Postby Abiding in His Word on Wed Mar 14, 2018 2:29 pm

:praying:
User avatar
Abiding in His Word
SITE ADMIN
 
Posts: 29125
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2006 4:54 pm
Location: SW Florida

Re: Broken marriage

Postby shorttribber on Wed Mar 14, 2018 8:13 pm

:praying:
The Wisest men have changed their Counsels and Resolves upon second thoughts, much more upon experience, and approaching evils not at first discovered. Rev. Herbert Croft, 1675

Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.

Find seven years of tribulation plainly stated in the Bible.
User avatar
shorttribber
 
Posts: 5515
Joined: Sun Aug 19, 2007 7:42 pm
Location: Not in San Antonio!

Re: Broken marriage

Postby GodsStudent on Mon Mar 19, 2018 4:31 pm

:praying:
GodsStudent
Supporting Member
 
Posts: 11668
Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2008 10:36 pm

Re: Broken marriage

Postby Resurrection Torchlight on Wed Mar 21, 2018 8:14 am

adding my prayers for your friend.

RT
Resurrection Torchlight
 
Posts: 3898
Joined: Wed May 02, 2007 5:15 pm

Re: Broken marriage

Postby GodsStudent on Sat Jun 09, 2018 10:23 am

:praying:

Just wow is what I have to say about marriage and the covenant vows associated therewith. As I grow and mature and live thru my own marriage, I have really learned some amazing things. I am not always sure I like my husband....who he is, his strengths and weaknesses.....but I have absolutely learned (and so has he) that I absolutely do love him.......and that coming to terms with the fact that I did not marry a perfect man is more about me than him.....(and in learning that, I had to first learn that he feels the EXACT same way).

What an earthshattering thing to learn that the person you married is not perfect.....and that there are REAL things we regret not seeing before taking those vows.....BUT......reality truly is that nomatter whom we married, this revelation was going to happen. That is why there is the language in the vows....for better for worse, sick and in health, rich or poor....etc.....

you see.....commitment on a personal level (it starts with me).....has to come FIRST. Taking out the option to divorce or separate (unless, for a time, it is absolutely necessary for ones safety or absolute well being). Once the real commitment to stay is in place, then the true work and growth as individuals and a couple can begin. We dont have to like one another all the time....and if one is to grow, then there will be times when in being honest with ourselves, we realize we dont like everything about our spouse.....ITS OK.....to be completely honest, we don't even like everything about ourselves, either.

My husband and I both realized these things, together and apart......We know one thing absolute....that is that we love each other and in spite of whatever the trials are for the individual in the marriage, and for the couple in the marriage....splitting up honestly doesn't fix any of these things.

We started stopping a lot of things. ....talking about separation.....that does a lot of damage....A LOT OF DAMAGE.
We stopped verbalizing all the "bad things" we see in each other. Its likely that if you see their faults, they do too.....give them space to work on themselves and stop beating them over the head......
We stopped being willing to get down and dirty in arguments.....anger is a sure sign that I need to stop and pray or just stop....not pray....but stop......when I am speaking in anger, I am absolutely not in control of myself, my tongue, my emotions.....so when my husband and I start arguing, we just stop talking for a while.....to give space and air the opportunity to clear up.....sounds crazy, but it works, and damage control takes hold...and the hurtful stuff is minimized.

Sometimes I need to think about things for a while.....then revisit them.
Sometimes I need to realize that he and I are different people who do things different ways....and it's ok. My way is mine and if he has a different way, he is just as entitled as I am.....ALOT OF TIMES arguments are about trying to control another person....how they do things (we criticize).....their opinion of something (if my opinion doesnt match his, he is still entitled to see things different from me...just because Im married to him doesn't mean he has to duplicate me or my opinions).

Im just thinking aloud here about some of the things that happen in the course of my own marriage and what I've learned.

God's covenant .....our marriages.....are not to be taken lightly. Scripture teaches us this, but we still feel entitled to see it differently. As a result, we stop growing, because we don't push ourselves to grow through the trials of our relationship with our spouse....instead, we get haughty and indifferent to each other and do more damage by divorcing, which is NOT as permissable as we give ourselves permission to think it is. How many covenants does the Lord have? .....think about this.....hard......

Back when I was seeing my pastor counselor, in the worst time of my marriage, even when I learned my spouse had cheated on me.....this man had the gall to tell me that I should not divorce my husband. He told me (he is in his 80s) that he emphatically believed that in all his 60 years of counseling, he never saw a case where marriages being disolved improved things for either individual. I thought over this for many many many months......it was a strong statement.....Having stuck through the trials (and there are still trials!!!).....I now see what he was saying, and I believe him to be 100% right.....

I've gotten over the betrayal.....having discussed it a few times with my spouse, I understand what his interaction with these other (there were several women) was, and more importantly what it wasn't. First and foremost, it wasn't about me....it was about him. The people he was hanging around (friends that were his only, and not friends of "ours")....they did this sort of thing....so in some ways, it was condoned to fit in....and taken lightly.....also.....my husband was lonely as a result of the breakdown of our marriage....so he was seeking comfort.........He got a lot less out of that interaction with those women than he wanted to get...but he had to learn this for himself....and it had very little to do with me....FACT......he was trying to fill a void that couldn't be filled by another woman.....FACT.....we all try to fill voids in various ways......FACT......it's a God thing.....just a part of being a human being.
It took understanding on my part to get to the place where I saw it for what it was and accepted that while it hurt my feelings, it didn't change the fact that my husband really does (and even then did) love me...and I him. Even if I had divorced him over this issue, I wouldn't have stopped loving him and he wouldn't have stopped loving me....and THAT is a problem.....you see, divorce wouldn't fix or solve anything. Understanding and self honesty and self evaluation and LOTS OF TALKING TO THE LORD and LOTS OF PRAYER.......that is what is needed....and so much growth comes from it.

Spreading Salt.....My post here has absolutely NOTHING to do with your OP and the first thing I did when I opened this thread this afternoon was pray concerning the relationship of your loved ones here. After offering my sincerest prayers that these individuals can experience what I've experienced....reconciliation of my marriage and a lot of personal growth......I felt like I wanted to share some of my thoughts and growth regarding the trials of my own marriage. What I posted is strictly my experience and opinion and I offer no judgment on your loved ones, should they continue to split their marriage apart......so many do.....these days, more are splitting up than staying together (humanity is in bad shape, we all know that).......

If my post here can offer anyone anything that will help them journey back to the love I suspect hasn't gone anywhere....and is still shared between two individuals who find themselves troubled by and in their marriage....then Praise and Thanks be to the Living God for sparking them towards doing the harder work of growing up a little more....individually and as a couple.

No, I don't care for divorce and think it's destructive and worthless....I have so much more respect for those of us who stay the course and live through that which is difficult and painful. That said.....I'm me, and my opinions are mine.....and who cares what I think, if it comes to that? :mrgreen:

Bottom line is....I love everyone regardless of what they do with their marriages......I get it......it's hard....trust and believe, mine has seen a lot.....and it's tough....sometimes....but both my husband and I found it tougher to walk away from the love we have for each other.....denying it didn't change it.....the love between us is real and it wasn't going anywhere, even if we did.
GodsStudent
Supporting Member
 
Posts: 11668
Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2008 10:36 pm


Return to Prayer Requests

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest