Good Clean Christian Jokes

[Keeping Alert]

My pastor told a joke at service today and I thought why don't we start a thread relating some good clean Christian jokes (if it is all right with the moderators). Laughter is the best medicine...

Mine goes like this

Question - Do you know why Jesus had to ask Peter if Peter loved Jesus 3 times?

Answer - It was because Jesus healed Peter's mother-in-law.

[plalgum]

One beautiful Sunday morning, Samuel, a priest, announced to his congregation: "My good people, I have here in my hands, three sermons...a $100 sermon that lasts five minutes, a $50 sermon that lasts fifteen minutes, and a $10 sermon that lasts a full hour.
"Now, we'll take the collection and see which one I'll deliver.


NEWS FLASH!
There will be no Christmas celebration in Washington, DC this year. Apparently they could not find three wise men.

[learningmama]

An oldie, but my boys' favorite:

A rich man makes a deal with God that he can take one thing to heaven with him when he dies. When he arrives at the pearly gates with a suitcase, Peter stops him and politely informs him that nobody gets to take anything in with them. The man explains his deal with God, so Peter nods and says it should be fine, but he's just wondering what the man might have chosen to bring into the next life with him. The man proudly opens it to reveal every square inch of the suitcase filled with solid gold bars. Peter scratches his head and says... "You brought PAVEMENT???"

[Keeping Alert]

A pastor was known for being so boring in his sermons that his wife often nodded off to sleep. One day the wife brought up the issue and the pastor agreed to try to put more effort to his sermons while the wife agreed to contribute a dollar into a box everytime she falls asleep during his preaching.

After one year, they decided to open the box to see how the pastor had done. To his surprise, the pastor saw only 2 dollars in the box. He was rather proud of his "achievement" thinking that he had only preached 2 boring sermons when he noticed 5 eggs in the box too. He asked his wife why there were eggs in the box and the wife said:

"Oh, for every 10 dollars that were in the box, I exchanged it for an egg."

[plalgum]

One day, two planes land at an airport. President George W. Bush gets out of one. A man wearing a white robe gets out of the other and starts walking away. The Pesident catches up to him, and says, "Excuse me sir. Are you Moses?" the man keeps walking. The president follows him. "Excuse me sir. Are you Moses. The man keeps on walking. The president runs ahead of the man and stops him, repeating himself once more. "Excuse me sir. Are you Moses. finally, the man stopped and replied, "Yes, but the last time i talked to a bush i ended up wandering the desert for 40 years."

[mark s]

The pastor was noticing the Fellowship Hall paint was showing its age, so, bright and early Saturday morning, he pulled the supplies from the shed, and got down to work.

Hours went by, and slowly, but surely, he was getting the job done. He was also getting tired when, late in the afternoon, he realized that he was going to fall just a little short on paint.

So instead of driving all the way into town for another gallon, he decided to add a little water to the paint, an so he finished off the job.

Sunday morning found him standing in front of that last wall, the difference in paint obvious. And as the congregation passed by him, following his gaze, he heard the still, small voice inside, "Repaint, and thin not!"

[mark s]

A priest, a rabbi, and a pastor (all good jokes begin that way, right?) decided to combine their efforts one day to help their community. Each one made a sign, and positioned himself alongside the highway.

Soon a car came speeding towards them, and the priest held up his sign for the driver to read: "Turn Around, You Are Going the Wrong Way!" The driver gave him barely a glance as he sped on by towards the next. The rabbi raised his sign, "The End is Near!" "Religious nuts!", the driver yelled, as he approached the next. The pastor, earnestly holding his sign out, silently pleaded, "Give Heed, Lest You Die!" "You guys are too much!", the driver laughed as he passed without a second thought.

The scream of tires on pavement was replaced by silence, the silence replaced by the twisting of metal . . .

The priest, the rabbi, and the pastor thought this over, and decided on a new sign, "Bridge Out".

[Keeping Alert]

Loved every joke contributed thus far...

The parents of a 6-year-old boy were trying to teach their child courage and responsibility. They were trying to encourage their son to take the carbage out by himself but their son would not. "I am scared" the boy said. The parents replied "Don't worry, Jesus is with you." They tried this for about an hour to no avail - the boy was just too nervous to bring the trash out by himself. Finally, the boy said "Can you ask Jesus to bring out the trash for me?"

[lamb7]

This one cracked me up!

The Woodpecker might have to go!





In Christ,
lamb