keithareilly wrote:Hi, Mark
I agree.
John 12:25B
and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal.
I assume the abuses you endured left you left walking down a path you did not want to walk down and that you hated your life. And because you hated your life you wanted to be a different person, a new creation. I assume you worked hard to cleanse the inside of the cup and thought others worked to do the same and therefore mistakenly trusted them. Thus making you feel stupid (less clever).
Hi Keith,
Interestingly, it wasn't quite that way. I was born again when I was 19 years old, 1981. I was fairly happy with my life in the overall. I was diving rapidly into new agism. Strange things were happening around me that seemed to have power. I had studied many religions, honestly seeking truth, and thinking I had found it. We are all gods, or collectively, god. I don't need to go into much detail, but I thought the pain was behind me, and the sky before me.
And then I had the opportunity to read The Late Great Planet Earth, then, What the World is Coming To. I very quickly saw that the Bible's prophecies were completely different than anything else I had seen, and I had a lot to compare. And I realized that the only way that Book could be like that is if the Author knew things no one within this continuum could know.
It's a quick leap from there to the knowledge that the rest is most likely, even assuredly, true. And there it was. Jesus was in fact the Risen Lord, so I need to start obeying Him. So I went and was baptized, and life changed.
It took quite a number of years for the damage done to me to assert itself. When I was saved, I also simply stopped with the alcohol and drugs, but over the next 5 years was doing it all again. But I never stopped knowing I was different from before.
I stopped drinking, starting living a better life, but still, over the course of more years, the damage asserted itself more and more. I've learned that it can be like that.
Psychiatrists say that by the time someone's life is sufficiently out of control for them to seek help, that they are often in their 50's, and by then, the best to hope for to achieve some greater level of comfort and safety, but that's it.
I know that's not true. I have the mind of Christ, and the body does have certain abilities to repair itself under the right conditions, not to mention if our Father steps in with a more active role.
So I've been a Christian for 37 years. I liked my life right before I became a Christian, and I heavily resisted giving it up. but truth it truth. And my divination had very accurately foretold this to me. Shortly after arriving "back home", I would be captured be the chief authority, would be imprisoned for two weeks, then set completely free. It was weird.
Being a Christian, while having such powerful drives from the flesh, in answering to its damage, how can I describe it?
Yes, things I've hated, but in the Lord.
Simply to say, I've proven to my satisfaction over the years of my personal inability to clean the cup at all, inside or outside. But I've also proven to my satisfaction that those who trust in the Lord will be clean cups, and those who actively pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, will live in the experience of being a clean cup.
And those to remain this way, will be cups for honorable use.
The whole roller coaster of determination followed by failure, in a day, a week, a year, always. The resultant sense of wrongness. And the feeling responsible for all my wrong-doings, buried in guilt, buried in shame.
And for years having come to understand, in my mind, the truth of the Gospel, we are free indeed, yet where was this freedom?
God has corrected me.
I was left damaged by abuse. As a result of this damage, behaviors which work against me emerged.
This is no different than the corruption of the flesh.
I was left damaged by sin. As a result of this damage, behaviors which work against me emerged.
Being able to look at a set of feelings and mental narratives and behaviors which arise from a damaged brain seeking chemical homeostasis has proven to be an invaluable tool in understanding the machinations of the flesh - the body. Damaged, undamaged, this is how it works, and it's not me. I'm the new creature.
So I don't actually have to follow it's directives, whether from this chemical alphabet soup, of simply the good ol' lusts of the flesh, it's the same thing to me.
I can feel anxiety because my flesh fears what is coming, or because my brain is trying to get a boost of chemicals, or because I have too much Candida in my gut. Either way, the response is the same. That's just what the body is doing. That's not me. I trust in the Lord.
OK.
I'm going to stop. I obviously have too much time on my hands.
Much love!
Mark