Struggle with pornography.

Struggle with pornography.

Postby mouserpg on Wed Mar 28, 2007 10:47 am

This is not even a full testimony... it's just the struggle part with a certain sin.

A lesser known thing about me, is that shortly after I was saved, the Lord healed my asthma, whatever weird thing I had that was causing me to act like a complete psychopath most of the time, and set me free from pornography, homosexuality, stealing, drug-dealing, making my parents life a living hell, etc... for a few months, but I fell back on a few things.

I fell back because I gave into temptation, rather than trusting the Lord. Not only that, but I willingly deceived myself into thinking that it's okay to do look at porn, because it's better than actually doing the real thing... wrong. If you even look at a woman with lust, that's the same as commiting adultery with her, as Jesus says. The homosexuality thing, if I recall correctly, I fell once. I've been free of that for 6 years and have absolutely no desire to go back. The pornography thing was different. I figured I should rejoice in the fact that the Lord set me free by... you guessed it, looking at naked women. Big mistake.

Then the Lord once again set me free for about 3 months, until I fell back in again after I stopped going to the bible-based church around here (not perfect, but it's RIGHT UP there). I finally got fed up of it, but kept doing it for a while. However, I trusted the Lord and had faith that He'd set me free once and for all. And He did.


He started bombarding me with scripture, and led me to sign up for certain newsletters, especially Jesse Morrell's "Open Air Outreach" newsletter. This is the one that stood out the most out of all of them! I kept reading his newsletters with a feeling of fear of God's judgement, and I was afraid I'd die in my sins... didn't wanna do that. This man made me ANGRY! I wanted to slap him sometimes, despite knowing he was correct, but kept repenting of those thoughts, as I didn't want anything to do with them. The Lord showed me the error of being angry with Jesse for telling the truth, and how this whole situation was helping me. The Lord worked through Jesse to get to me. This man has some powerful preaching.

Eventually, the Lord did set me free. It felt kinda like how people quit smoking at first, but eventually it was just completely cold turkey. I don't even want to go back when I'm tempted. I look at it as a "retardation" (nothing against retarded people) now.

You gotta drop the truth bomb on people... it'll sink in and plant many seeds that the Holy Spirit will water. I believe this.

One thing I must say, I had often thought of and lived this (as in, I thirsted for righteousness for a long time):

Matthew 5:6 wrote:Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

Ever since the Lord set me free from homosexuality, I have felt an intense desire to find a woman and get married, have kids, etc... and I often prayed that when I found her, we'd wait until marriage to have sex... I believe the Lord will provide here. Unfortunately it's been 6 years and I still haven't met a single, single woman, which depresses me a lot.

But I am reminded of this:

Matthew 6:31-34 wrote:31Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
32(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
33But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
34Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

I don't even remember when the last time I looked at porn was. I don't even know how long it's been exactly, but it doesn't matter... what matters is the Lord will make sure I never return to it.

My advice is study the Bible, find some accountability and have faith that the Lord will set you free from your sins. [b]Trust Him and He will.

Now I just gotta stop swearing all the time... again. However, I know the Lord will set me free from that too, as He did this and all the others.

Computers don't have enough space to type out all the things the Lord has done for His people. Not even all the hard drives in the world. And they never will. Not even trillions of trillions of trillions yottabytes ad infinitum (1 yottabyte is 1 trillion terabytes, 1 terrabyte is 1000 gigabytes). Okay, I'm done trying to make myself look leet. :roll:

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Postby Cantaress4Him on Wed Mar 28, 2007 10:56 am

Thanks for that testimony, mouserpg. I'm sure a lot of men will be helped by that (maybe some women too).


2 Chronicles 20:21 And when he had consulted with the people, he appointed singers unto the LORD, and that should praise the beauty of holiness, as they went out before the army, and to say, Praise the LORD; for his mercy endureth for ever.
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Postby AndCanItBe on Wed Mar 28, 2007 11:00 am

Thanks for the testimony mouserpg. Your gigabite analogy made me think of this verse by Frederick M Lehman:

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
and were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
and every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole, tho' stretched from sky to sky."


I wanted to go ahead and add the whole hymn, it's a good one.

The Love of God

1. The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star,
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled,
And pardoned from his sin.
* Refrain:
Oh, love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure—
The saints’ and angels’ song.
2. When hoary time shall pass away,
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,
When men who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call,
God’s love so sure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam’s race—
The saints’ and angels’ song.
3. Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.
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Postby dominicw on Wed Mar 28, 2007 12:33 pm

Thanks for sharing this bit of testimony. Mine is quite similar to yours. Hashem freed me from several things after my conversion. After some time I
kind of let things slide... Thankfully He showed patience and compassion toward me, He brought me back on the right track with the fear of His wrath and judgement.

Blessed be His name, he hears me when I pray:

Psalm 139:23-24
23Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
24And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Let every thing that hath breath praise the LORD! Praise ye the LORD!

Psalm 147:11-12
11The LORD taketh pleasure in them that fear him, in those that hope in his mercy.
12Praise the LORD, O Jerusalem; praise thy God, O Zion.
Psa 130:3-5

אם עונות תשמר יה אדני מי יעמד׃
כי עמך הסליחה למען תורא׃
קויתי יהוה קותה נפשי ולדברו הוחלתי׃
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Postby mouserpg on Wed Mar 28, 2007 12:48 pm

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Postby lahalbo on Wed Mar 28, 2007 2:13 pm


From Wikipedia

Jewish law requires that secondary rules be placed around the primary law, to reduce the chance that the main law will be broken. As such, it is common Jewish practice to restrict the use of the word Adonai to prayer only. In conversation, many Jewish people will call God "Hashem", which is Hebrew for "the Name" (this appears in Leviticus 24:11). Many Jews extend this prohibition to some of the other names listed below, and will add additional sounds to alter the pronunciation of a name when using it outside of a liturgical context, such as kel or elokim.

While other names of God in Judaism are generally restricted to use in a liturgical context, Hashem is used in more casual circumstances. Hashem is used by Orthodox Jews so as to avoid saying Adonai outside of a ritual context. For example, when Orthodox Jews make audio recordings of prayer services, they generally substitute Hashem for Adonai--for example, this pattern is used during all prayers in the movie Ushpizin.
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