How do you mourn someone who is still here.

[Loop]

Today My cousin's came up, each in separate vehicles, the wife following her husband and not giving him a moment of relief, She was cussing with almost every breath and he kept trying to get her to calm down, she didn't want to even talk to me, mostly ignored me, I was trying to calm her too but she didn't want to hear it.
In her mind, he was invited here but she wasn't, I kept telling her that I had tried to call but she didn't answer the phone, which she won't do at all.
When she did call to see if they were here yesterday I tried talking to her and asked her to come up which she refused said she could hardly move. "She broke her hip a few weeks ago" signed her self out of the hospital same as she did when she lost two toes on the same leg... When in a fury she doesn't notice any pain, can climb, twist and jump... And blames every pain on her husband, she will sit in a car or truck all day refusing to get out no matter how hot so when he's there he is taking water and stuff to her worrying she is going to have a heat stroke, most times he just leaves because he can't stand listening to her...
I reached through the car window which she would only roll down half way and touched her shoulder trying to get her attention and show her I care and all she did was slap my hand away and cuss and say I didn't want her there which I told her wasn't right that I love her and miss her...
I've not figured out how to mourn her loss as it seems as if she is already gone, she is so frail, so thin it scares me...

Please Pray for Jean and her family they need every prayer they can get...

[ToledoDebbie]

Loop, I am very sorry. We have talked before about this person and she is obviously mentally ill, among other issues. I will pray for her, you, and her family.

No one can know what you are feeling, but, I have mourned someone still here for a long time. My Mother has dementia that has progressed to a very serious point. She still knows who I am, but, can no longer carry on normal conversations, her short term memory is gone and she asks the same question over and over. I feel like I have been grieving the loss of my best friend, my sweet, funny and loving Mom for a long time. I wish I had advice for you, but, I don't have any. I just love her and hug her and take her little treats that she still likes and pray. I am not even sure what to pray for anymore, she is 90 and starting to have other health issues besides her memory. I have tried to prepare myself for any eventuality, but, I know it will still be heartbreaking when I do actually lose her.

[Resurrection Torchlight]

From all your posts about your cousin I would say it sounds like you have already and still are mourning for her. At some point I think you need to give yourself permission to cut her loose and give her over to God to deal with her. You can't fix her and you should not allow her to manipulate you into feeling guilty. Tell her that until she can get herself together that she is not welcome at your home. You can offer to visit her at hers, or some neutral place. But make it somewhere where you can leave if needed. By all means continue to show her love, but make it on your terms not hers and stick to your guns!

I have someone in my family with mental illness and for years I tried to "help". It was a fruitless endeavor and this person to this day doesn't see that anything I did for her was helpful, she felt entitled to all that anyone did to "help". She finally sought help for herself when everyone else stopped "helping". She is now seeing a therapist and psychologist and is medicated and is a much more pleasant person to be around and can function much better on her own.

Prayers for wisdom and guidance

RT

[GodsStudent]

I, too, have a family member who is mentally ill, knows she has at least one diagnosis that requires medication, and outright refuses to take the medications (says they make her want to kill herself, but refuses to actually work with a doctor on a very regular basis to find a good fit with something, or at least to evaluate on a regular basis what's happening with her and in her life to change the things that aren't acceptable by most anyone's standards). I have a string of text messages ranging in the years now begging her to work with me.....to work with doctors....to look at all of this....and let others help her, but she still goes her own way with things and never seems to be willing to allow others to help her get stable and live in a reasonable lifestyle.
Just this morning, I was back at it, asking her what fixes the issues. Her response was there really aren't any issues except this one matter....which, quite frankly, is just the center and reason why all of the other must be corrected. She is going to see a mental health professional, actually today, so she is working on it????.....but not going to work on it with me....at least not at this time. The truth is, she may never work on it with me, as she plans now to go far, far away....as if that is a solution when her family is here and wants to be there with and for her. BUT...that's the thing....I can't make her see what she is not seeing, cannot see, or does not want to see. I can only step back and allow her the right to do and be as she see's fit, even when it's the farthest from appropriate....it looks like she has been turned over to a reprobate mind....and if that can be reversed, she will have to be the one to work with the Lord to reverse that.....no matter how much I want that for her. I have tried so many times to speak to her about the Lord, and every time she gets infuriated and blames Him...me.....everyone else.....never see's that a fix for her starts with her taking responsibility for her life. That said, she does seem to be doing that right now...and in the meantime, I have to hold my breath and pray that she finds her way back to enough sanity to see that we, her family, have all along tried to be here for her. She may not ever see it that way, and I have to accept that, too. It's hard, it hurts, and I want so much for something else to be the case, but since when did any of us have power over another?

Today, I have to focus on me. Today, I have to let her be where she is and respect her right to choose her steps. Today, I have to love myself, my family and friends, and her....from the distance that is there. Today, that is the best things I can do....and I will continue to pray for her and hope for a better tomorrow.
I also cannot allow her to spend much time around me, because every time she comes around, she creates chaos and confusion. There has been so much of that going on in my immediate surroundings as to make me sick. I have lost a lot of my hair, I am not sleeping through the nights as every time I wake I am disturbed at all that is going on, but yet, powerless to take a stand and make the things I think would fix it happen.....I am powerless to change what another chooses...that is the fact that will enable me to rest....but, yes, knowing someone I love is in danger by the way she is living is breathtakingly sad and hard to accept. I can't fix it, though. I have been trying for a very long time. I am now trying to take care of myself and those in my family. I will suffer because she is not ok, but I do not have to let her disrupt my environment any more....that is probably the only thing I can control here.

[Loop]

I've pretty much just decided to keep praying and hoping, as you guys know there is nothing else I can do... It seems like the last few years I've lost most of my family, its hard, those who have passed, I'm really missing... ...

[burien1]

I've pretty much just decided to keep praying and hoping, as you guys know there is nothing else I can do... It seems like the last few years I've lost most of my family, its hard, those who have passed, I'm really missing... ...

The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
James 5:16.

Loop, I have found myself holding onto the two people closest to me now, even more after losing so many near and dear to me. But I am learning to trust the Lord for whatever comes. Things happen that we hate. But He has a perfect plan to work everything out for good. It is hard at times to trust, but we must. Who else loves us like He does ?Who can create like he does ?
In the end, every person we love is a borrowed gift from God. His wisdom is so much more than anything we can imagine. Put this burden into his hands, and pray.
I miss my loved ones so bad it hurts. No husband. So other than a son and a sister, I am very alone. Even my church family has changed. I have lost so many there to death, I have lost count.
But if God allows it, I could lose even more people before I taste death here.
It is a sad fact of this fallen world.
We can only love them and plant seeds. Leave the rest to our Lord.

[Ready1]

Loop: May the Lord stand very close to you!

Isa 41:10  Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. 

And a song to go along with this verse:

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?

“Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.”

“When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.”

“When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.”

“E’en down to old age all My people shall prove
My sovereign, eternal, unchangeable love;
And then, when grey hairs shall their temples adorn,
Like lambs they shall still in My bosom be borne.”

“The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no, never, no, never forsake!”

[Spreading Salt]

Dearest Yeshua,
Help Loop trust You in this relationship. Comfort her and provide peace for her today. Thank You. Amen