Prayers needed

[ToledoDebbie]

I have been very stressed and troubled these past few weeks. My Dad is 88 and is dying from Prostrate Cancer and my Mom, also 88 has dementia and is not doing well with all of the changes to their lifestyle since the Covid lock downs began. My daughter is totally disabled and needs my care for almost every aspect of her life from cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, etc. My only granddaughter just turned 18 last month and has so many health problems it would be impossible to even list all of them, but, she is a total mess. My husband was just diagnosed with Diabetes and is angry about all of the changes he is having to make in his lifestyle and seems grumpy and sullen most days. I am caring for my husbands needs, my daughters needs, my granddaughters needs, my parents needs and all of this is literally consuming all of my time and energy. I don't like to complain, I have been blessed by God with a toughness, strength and my health is still pretty good for a 68 year old lady, but, I find myself needing more time and energy than I have! I am it, there is no one else to help and when I have tried to discuss bringing in outside help, both my daughter and parents refuse to even discuss. I could sure use a prayer for continued courage and strength to get me through this season in my life.

[Sonbeam]

Dear TDebbie,

Lifting you and your family up to our Lord right now. May He continue to give you of His strength each day,
and fill you with His peace and love.

May our Lord bless you and keep you,

sonbeam

[Jericho]

[shorttribber]

Dear TDebbie,

Lifting you and your family up to our Lord right now. May He continue to give you of His strength each day,
and fill you with His peace and love.

May our Lord bless you and keep you,

sonbeam

Praying the same way

[Loop]

Sonbeam wrote:
Dear TDebbie,

Lifting you and your family up to our Lord right now. May He continue to give you of His strength each day,
and fill you with His peace and love.

May our Lord bless you and keep you,

sonbeam

Also Praying for same...

[Abiding in His Word]

Hello Debbie,

I will remember you in my prayers this evening, but I wondered if you have researched the many services available to seniors. There are care-givers who help with housekeeping, shopping, transportation, dementia and alzheimer's care and more. Maybe you will find something that will ease the burden you are carrying. Check this site for some help.

https://www.eldercaredirectory.org/state-resources.htm

[ToledoDebbie]

Abiding, thank you for the information. I have researched many local assistance options and presented them to both my parents and daughter. I don't know if they are just too proud or stubborn, or what the concern is? With the Covid shutdowns, many of the options previously available are either very limited or unavailable at this point. It may reach the point when I have to press the issue, but in the past, they have just flat out rejected every idea I suggested.

Thank you all for the prayers, I really appreciate all the help I can get!

[burien1]

I pray you find help in easing some of these burdens.

[GodsStudent]

Abiding, thank you for the information. I have researched many local assistance options and presented them to both my parents and daughter. I don't know if they are just too proud or stubborn, or what the concern is? With the Covid shutdowns, many of the options previously available are either very limited or unavailable at this point. It may reach the point when I have to press the issue, but in the past, they have just flat out rejected every idea I suggested.

Thank you all for the prayers, I really appreciate all the help I can get!

Hi TD:
I want to be completely honest and with love. I prayed and will continue to remember you in prayer....but my dear sister, BOUNDARIES....healthy ones....are needed. When I read about all you do for your disabled daughter, and then read that you were tired and worn down at your age and couldn't keep the schedule, THEN read your daughter was dismissive and rejecting ideas that would take some of this burden off you, which seems to be a need and not just a wish....I remembered recent work I have done in my life placing healthy boundaries in place with others.
You're mom and as such, having you handle things just like they like is preferable, but not really good for you. Figure out what you can give and what you need to hand over to them to get taken care of....if you like.....it's a suggestion....and while I spelled it out, my honest gut reaction to your opening post was that you do need to set some healthy boundaries with your family, because you are only one person, and the weight of the world is too much for one person's shoulders. If you go down, do you all go down? Spread those eggs into a few baskets so that all of you are more evenly distributed.....
I will keep you in prayers!

[Abiding in His Word]

I want to be completely honest and with love. I prayed and will continue to remember you in prayer....but my dear sister, BOUNDARIES....healthy ones....are needed.

Excellent suggestion, GS. I have an excellent book called BOUNDARIES...When to say yes; When to say no; to take control of your life. Authors are Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/944267.Boundaries

I found it very helpful.

[slick]

Prayer Up Debbie!!!
Clarence

[ToledoDebbie]

Thanks Lisa for that healthy advice! I have taken a few steps that so far, have helped a little. I signed my parents up for the "Meals on Wheels" program and they are now getting meals delivered every weekday. So far, so good on their acceptance of that. I am still going to make food to take to them on the weekends, usually a casserole or Roast chicken, etc. that provides more than one meal. I still take groceries once a week, milk, bread and other staples but, not having to buy as much has helped. For my daughter, who is technology friendly (unlike my parents), I set her up a subscription to "Shipt" which is a grocery delivery system. She can now go online when she needs groceries and order what she wants online and they deliver it right to her door! I don't think the subscription was as much as the gas I was using to run there several times a week and I don't have to go into the store as often. There are still weeks that are hectic, especially when there are several Dr.s appointments scheduled for Mom, Dad and/or my Daughter, but, things are improving! Hubby is in better mood lately, starting to accept his new diabetic diet restrictions, which makes life so much more pleasant! Thank you again to all, for prayers and the good advice and ideas!

[GodsStudent]

This is the best news, Debbie.
I am so happy you are taking steps to get assistance shouldering this heavy weight you have been carrying.
It's amazing to me how some people are so extremely strong that noone suspects they can ever break, regardless of what they shoulder...but it's like that.....others see an extremely strong person shouldering seemingly the impossible with little complaint and are shocked to find out they are human beings when, in a moment of sheer overwhelmed, that person cries out. Some of God's people are among the strongest....they are energizer bunnies full of love and care for others. You are one such, Debbie.....I "see you" from miles away.
I hope my words were rec'd. in love, because even though I just blurt out sometimes, and it's typewritten, my heart was all over every syllable.
Much love, and I can't wait to meet you and so many others when our Savior Christ Jesus comes for us. What a day the "FP" Fellowship reunion with Christ will be. This group has been extremely important to my life and in preparing me as well as so many of us for the times we are now seeing unfolding like birthpangs in a birthing suite!!!! Wow !!! and getting soooo excited.....I really want to meet Jesus.

[GodsStudent]

I want to be completely honest and with love. I prayed and will continue to remember you in prayer....but my dear sister, BOUNDARIES....healthy ones....are needed.

Excellent suggestion, GS. I have an excellent book called BOUNDARIES...When to say yes; When to say no; to take control of your life. Authors are Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/944267.Boundaries

I found it very helpful.

When in so much pain over my relationship (or lack of functional relationship) with my daughter, I hit the internet to find me help process feelings. My friends had heard the stories so many times, I just couldn't..... and yet, I was hurting and wanting to do something to help myself process the pain and not have to feel it again today, as there were so many todays in a row with that bad companion of hurt, shame, guilt, defiance, .....
I found this 15 minute video and at the end, the speaker introduced her book. It spoke volumes to me and helped me fix the guilt, set workable terms for my relationship and stop owning all the labels she was putting on me about how I was as a mother, and the labels I was putting on myself because I didn't want to keep doing, but felt responsible for her problems, and like I needed to keep doing in spite of myself.
I don't know if this is useful for anyone other than me as relates to this forum, but I bought her book on audible (I have trouble reading books, but can listen quite easily).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mph1lmJSQAo

[Resurrection Torchlight]

Coming to this thread a bit late, but you have my prayers Debbie, especally for wisdom as you seek to manage all that is on your plate.

RT

[ToledoDebbie]

Coming back to this thread to once again ask for your prayers. My Father just took a bad fall and fractured 3 ribs and damaged his knee that was already a replacement. Also messed up what has always been his good knee. He is 90 years old and has prostrate cancer and he is now bedridden and unable to walk. He had to have a permanent Ostomy done 5 years ago due to a collapsed colon and keeping that clean and changed is a real challenge. I know that it won't be long before the Lord calls him home, but, I am doing everything humanly possible to make his last years on this earth comfortable and help to keep his pain levels manageable. My mother has dementia and really doesn't understand what is happening and sometimes dealing with her, is more stressful than helping Dad! I have a visiting nurse coming to help during the day and I have tried to talk with him about going somewhere to recuperate that has round the clock nursing for all of this needs and he just cries and begs me not to send him to one of "those places". This is the most heartbreaking thing I have ever had to deal with.

[Loop]

Praying...

[burien1]

My heart breaks for you. That is a very heavy load. I pray the Lord to give you strength, comfort, and wisdom. Do what you can live with. When they are gone, you don't want to be 2nd guessing your care and decisions for them. Wish you lived closer. I would help you. And I mean that. Our burdens seem too heavy to bare at times. That is when the Lord supplies our strength. Ask for help where ever you can.

[ToledoDebbie]

My heart breaks for you. That is a very heavy load. I pray the Lord to give you strength, comfort, and wisdom. Do what you can live with. When they are gone, you don't want to be 2nd guessing your care and decisions for them. Wish you lived closer. I would help you. And I mean that. Our burdens seem too heavy to bare at times. That is when the Lord supplies our strength. Ask for help where ever you can.

Thank you for such kind words. I have 3 brothers but they are scattered all over the country. My husband helps when he can, but, he still works so his time is limited. I have meals on wheels delivering meals daily and the nurse comes every day to check Dad's vitals, help with his ostomy and she is helping with Mom as well. I realize that not everyone is close to their parents, but, they have been my closest friends as well as supportive and loving parents. My only needs right now are strength and stamina. I am spending nights there with them, going home during the day when the nurse is there to manage my home and run errands and then returning to prepare dinner and help them with their bedtime routines. I really would like to hire a live in nurse, but, the cost is prohibitive. I really don't want them in a nursing home, especially with Covid. I want to keep them in their home as long as humanly possible. Thank you again to everyone, your prayers really do strengthen me!

[Resurrection Torchlight]

Coming back to this thread to once again ask for your prayers. My Father just took a bad fall and fractured 3 ribs and damaged his knee that was already a replacement. Also messed up what has always been his good knee. He is 90 years old and has prostrate cancer and he is now bedridden and unable to walk. He had to have a permanent Ostomy done 5 years ago due to a collapsed colon and keeping that clean and changed is a real challenge. I know that it won't be long before the Lord calls him home, but, I am doing everything humanly possible to make his last years on this earth comfortable and help to keep his pain levels manageable. My mother has dementia and really doesn't understand what is happening and sometimes dealing with her, is more stressful than helping Dad! I have a visiting nurse coming to help during the day and I have tried to talk with him about going somewhere to recuperate that has round the clock nursing for all of this needs and he just cries and begs me not to send him to one of "those places". This is the most heartbreaking thing I have ever had to deal with.

Have you thought about hospice care? They will come into the home. Just a thought.

Prayers for you and your entire family

RT

[GodsStudent]

Hi Debbie:

I am just now seeing this as we just returned from a vacation and I jumped on FP once or twice to hit headlines, but didn't stay long enough to make the rounds on the threads. I am praying and will be. Your story is so moving and I am overwhelmed with you, just hearing what you are dealing with....it's a lot. Like RT, I think calling hospice to see if they can help, or if they know of other organizations who also could help might be a productive thing to do? I know here in our state there are organizations...but getting a list of the various ones, and what they do...that's always the trick...and so hard to stop and do when you are running to and fro trying to stay on top of it all. The nursing home issue is scary, I agree, but on the other hand, I have had family members who had great experiences, because the nursing homes were good and on top of that, my aunt was there almost every day, too, and she worked with the nursing home people to ensure all needs were met. So, if you end up having to go that route, your daily involvement with your parent's care is going to go a long way in ensuring good care takes place. It's something to consider....or think about....maybe.....and certainly the Lord will lead as we are praying for that direction from Him.
You are so amazing to be there for your parents like this. I have absolute respect and admiration for the words you penned. You are top notch and quite the trooper to boot. May God bless you in your efforts, which are so beautiful to hear about.

[ToledoDebbie]

Thank you Lisa. I'm doing really good. I have a break for a few days, my brother came into town and is staying through the weekend with Mom and Dad. I made sure they were all stocked up with their medicine and food and he is taking over this weekend. I will check in, just to make sure everything is going OK, but, it feels great to have a few days off!!

[Spreading Salt]

Dearest Yeshua,
It is hard to watch our loved ones with health struggles. I pray for dad's comfort. Lord, please provide for his needs and keep him comfortable and encouraged. I pray for ToledoDebbie to have the strength to love them well through these days. Give her hope and surround her with joy. Let good memories continue to be made. Let those who come by to help be true encouragement and sustainers. Protect hearts/minds/bodies from emotional and spiritual darkness. You are in their midst Lord and You have perfect timing and plans for all things. Remind them You are there. Thank You for taking the best care of all of them. Amen

[ToledoDebbie]

Dearest Yeshua,
It is hard to watch our loved ones with health struggles. I pray for dad's comfort. Lord, please provide for his needs and keep him comfortable and encouraged. I pray for ToledoDebbie to have the strength to love them well through these days. Give her hope and surround her with joy. Let good memories continue to be made. Let those who come by to help be true encouragement and sustainers. Protect hearts/minds/bodies from emotional and spiritual darkness. You are in their midst Lord and You have perfect timing and plans for all things. Remind them You are there. Thank You for taking the best care of all of them. Amen

Absolutely beautiful, Thank you!!