my sister in law

[GodsStudent]

Hi Stacey:

I was reading your latest response to me and realized I failed to say "You're welcome" for my trying to talk to you about letting this crazy making stuff go and just living your life...because life is short and we do not have to fix problems for other adults. Mental illness is pervasive these days, and so is the concept among those who don't have one that they somehow need to assume responsibility and deal with other's situations, simply because other's wont deal with their stuff themselves. I hope I wasn't hard on you....scared to read back....lol....because I absolutely adore you.....but I did want you to see that it really is best to let them have it....the whole 9 yards.....since the players involved keep not having boundaries in place and asserting those boundaries. If your SIL has moved into MIL's house, there may be a time when MIL seeks your input, because she has become miserable. Then, it's time to help her communicate boundaries to her daughter and insist on the changes she needs in order for her to be happy with her life. At least this is how I see it.

All of that said, I am not even sure SIL has left the house she lives in yet?????....has she? I was going to say that doing foreclosures for a living here in my state (in the legal field side), there really is a glut, and the banks will start/stop/go/ungo....etc....so, until your SIL has been given a direct Judge's Order to leave, she likely can continue to stay there. What's happening these days with this?

How are you feeling with all of this? Have you let them have it their way and turned the focus back on you and your life and your family? Do you feel better as I know at one point this was really stressing you out and making you unhappy.
Im just thinking about it and wondering what's happening with it and most especially you, since it makes me sad to see you sad and/or stressed.

[Resurrection Torchlight]

Hi Lisa,

Well you will be happy to know I have taken your advise and completely backed off. I don't talk to my mother in law about the situation and really don't know much about where it is at right now. She is still in the house and I have no idea where it is at in the foreclosure process, all we know is that her ex husband whose home it was, told her that she needed to be out by the end of June. Well that came and went and nothing more has happened. I know that she will stay in the house until she is asked to leave, which means that she won't have time in advance to secure another living arrangement, which will mean that she will end up with her mother, who will not say no especially if she has no where else to go.

There is a huge glut of foreclosures here too. It's really incredible how many there are. I was talking to a friend who flips them and she said there were three for sale on the same street my sister in law lives on. Mind you this is a country neighborhood without many homes on the street.

I am much less stressed without all the drama. I have a clear conscience knowing that I tried to help, but if those involved aren't willing to be helped, there is nothing more for me to do. As for my mother in law, I try to avoid the topic and just enjoy her company when I can on my terms.

On a happy note, my youngest is getting married in a couple weeks, we are so excited about that, and looking forward to it. Her and her fiance also purchased a home, so that's awesome too. Sadly my mother in law isn't coming to the wedding, she initially said she would but changed her mind, she said it was because she doesn't want to travel, though she didn't have any trouble travelling even farther to another grandchild's wedding in May. No I think the reason she doesn't want to go is because she doesn't want to be away from home if her daughter suddenly needs her. Like you say, she needs to set boundaries, but she doesn't and I can do nothing about that, so I don't.

So yes I feel tons better, and am focusing on more positive things. Thanks so much for asking and for your good advise.

How are you these days? PM me or send an email, I'd like to hear how you are fairing.

God Bless,

Stacey

[GodsStudent]

Aw Stacey, I'm so happy to hear all this great stuff. I'll send you an email and we'll catch up properly.

[Resurrection Torchlight]

Update:

MY sister in law just had her second knee replaced this past week. Surgery went well, and as far as I know she is doing as expected and is now in rehab.

According to my mother in law she has found a place to live, in a trailer park just outside the town she now lives in. Though it is a tad more than she can afford, I am certain my Mother in law will fund her the rest of the money she needs. She and her son have to fill out applications to be accepted as residents. My hope and prayer is that they will clear this hurdle and secure this home for themselves. The lot rental is as low as you can get around here, under $400/month, so I think she can afford it on her low income.

Right now her residence is still in the foreclosed home. She has moved most of her belongings to her two storage units. Of course this surgery will make moving difficult, so will need help with that. Unfortunately she has burned a lot of those bridges, but I have confidence in her skills of manipulation, she will get it done.

My mother in law will go on with enabling her, doling out money to pay her bills, "lending" her money to buy the place, which will never be repaid. Sorting through her junk and storing it for her. But I am glad she found something and won't be living with her which IMO would be a very bad situation for both of them and for the rest of the family as well. God always seems to provide for my sister in law, and hopefully this will be a fresh start for her. I am happy that the Lord provided this opportunity and proved me wrong!

Please pray she and her son get approved to live here and that the sale goes through without any complication. And for swift healing after surgery.

As for myself, I am trying to stay out of the drama.

Thanks all for the prayers.

RT

[burien1]

Praying. . .

[GodsStudent]

Sorry so late to read this prayer request, I've been moving myself, so haven't been on, or if I have, it's been very headline brief. I'm praying, glad I saw the request.
L

[Resurrection Torchlight]

Thanks for the prayers. Haven't heard anything yet about the approval for the mobile home. Just waiting...and praying....

RT

[GodsStudent]

[sacredcowbasher]

Praying

[Resurrection Torchlight]

Latest update:

Well my sister in law now owns the mobile home. She was approved and money was exchanged for keys to the place. My mother in law did pay for the bulk of it, which I fully expected. However my sister in law has yet to move, from past experience she may procrastinate in that department. She is very attached to the house she is currently living in, which is in foreclosure and we have no idea when she will be asked to leave. It could be any day or it could be months or even years from now. She has anxiety about leaving what is familiar even if the place is a dump, with no hot water or a functioning kitchen. Not sure how long my mother in law is willing to help her pay utility bills for both places.

I have eyes on my mother in law's banking and can see that she is not only helping her daughter but also her grandson. At the rate she is going, she will plow through her savings in not too long. I am powerless to stop it, other than speaking to her and my sister in law and nephew. In the end she will do as she pleases. The crazy thing is that my she will go without things herself while indulging her daughter in things she doesn't need. For instance we pay for my mother in law's cell phone, to help her out, but then she pays for both her daughter and grandson's cell phone bills.

It is frustrating but I am learning to stay out of it and am much better off for it.

Please pray that my sister in law will be motivated to move sooner rather than later and also pray for her health, she is still recovering from knee replacement surgery.

Thank you


RT

[GodsStudent]

[Spreading Salt]

Dearest Yeshua,
Thank You for providing a new home. I pray they move there quickly. I pray for healing from surgery. I pray for Your will to be done in this situation. Strength today for RT. Remind her that You are very much in control. We have because You give. Thank You for Your continued provision in their lives. Amen.