husband likely moving out

[sacredcowbasher]

Glad to hear whats happening with you two. You made me laugh with the 'aren't all that much'. None of us are are that much. It reminds me of Reinhard Bunke, the Evangelist, who said "we are zero's, but when Jesus stands next to us we are 10's."
Havent't been able to pray much lately, but when I do, I will pray for you guys.

[Resurrection Torchlight]

Praying for your marriage. What an emotional roller coaster this has been for you. I pray that God will work in a mighty and powerful way to deliver your husband from his addiction, and that the sessions you attend will help propel him on that path and be supportive for you as well.

RT

[Jay Ross]

May God continue to draw you both into his warm embrace and keep you safe within it.

[GodsStudent]

Update:
Husband was given a choice of go to rehab or move out back a while. He refused rehab and moved out for about a month. I was just getting to a place when he reached his very own bottom with the life and lifestyle and asked to come home. I told him he could come home so we could take him to rehab...a few days passed and he started talking to friends of ours about the fact that he was lying to himself and wanted to go to rehab but was more worried that he'd lost me forever. I sent him a text and asked him to come home so he could go to rehab and we could put all this behind us and he did.

When he came home, he cleaned his entire phone of numbers and told me he wanted me to get him a new number and give it only to close family. I complied. That was HUGE! I had no idea he was going to do that.

Yesterday he entered an 8 week inpatient Christian program for addiction. He was enthusiastic about what this was going to accomplish in his life and twice yesterday he said he was SO READY to put all of this behind us and be the husband I wanted. I am so excited and relieved, as I have been waiting for the phone to ring or a knock on the door telling me he was either in jail or dead....the life of a loved one of an addict is no bed of roses....it's impossible to cut off your love for someone even if you refuse to enable them in any way.

Please join me in praying for his full recovery and success at this "farm/ranch" place he's to live at for the next 8 weeks. It's not fancy, just a place...but the spirit of God was literally there as we pulled up yesterday and interacted with people, and before I left, I was wanting to stay, too (lol...it's men only!!).

I had the most amazing peaceful feeling as I drove away. That HAD to be God....I am not capable of even manufacturing that kind of peace and satisfaction feeling that I had.....and THAT was the icing on the cake for me. Literally, I feel like I can focus on myself and my daughter and our matters at hand and let my husband go for now, knowing the Lord has him taken care of....it is the most amazing relief and peace I have right now.

My only issue/concern is that I have this RSD, and he and I work together (he does all the leg work). The last month has been very difficult on me, with him gone....and now I know I have 2 months without him....I do have friends helping when able, but I am under no illusions that this is going to be as much as I can bear, literally....especially with Christmas season here and so much more to do there. Please offer prayers for our family, if willing. ....and thank you.

[Abiding in His Word]

[burien1]

[Loop]

[sacredcowbasher]

[GodsStudent]

Thank you so much for your prayers. This morning, I woke at about 4 am with a vision of the Lord restoring my husband and literally saw His supernatural Hand on the men at this place, easing the burden of their cravings and showing them His mighty hand on them......it made me smile to see the love affair that is and will be going on between these men and our Savior during this time. The vision was powerful and so desirable!

[ToledoDebbie]

I know that today you are most concerned about your husband and helping him to overcome his addiction. But, I am praying that your entire family will find healing and peace.

[GodsStudent]

Thank you, ToledoDebbie.

[Jay Ross]

May God continue to draw you both into his warm embrace and keep you safe within it.

May God continue to draw you both into his warm embrace and keep you both safe within it.

[GodsStudent]

Thank you, Jay.

[Resurrection Torchlight]

praying for complete and total healing for your husband, and also for you. God is amazing and can do great things...I am praying He will do so for you and your family.

RT

[Spreading Salt]

Dearest Yeshua,

Thank You for getting him the needed rehab. Bless the buttons of every man there Lord! Please heal them of their addictions and encourage their caregivers every day. Please help GS and her sweet family through the days ahead. Strength for her body and relief from the aches/pains. May her hope in You be as sure as the air she breathes every moment. Thank You for providing for all their needs. Amen.

[GodsStudent]

BLESS YOU ALL FOR YOUR PRAYERS.

My husband got his 10 minute phone call for this week. He called me tonight because he was determined to be the first to wish me a happy birthday. He sounded AMAZING....OH, WOW.....I will get nothing better for my birthday.....nothing was so beautiful as to hear him like he was talking. The man who walked me down the isle years ago called me tonight full of apologies and regrets, but enthusiasm about our future......it was completely amazing and I couldn't believe the beautiful soul that came through his voice tonight....I've missed it for so long.

He told me that outside of our wedding honeymoon, this is the best week he's ever experienced in his life. He is so "into" what he's doing and I am just so crazy happy about that I could leap from my chair and shout joy, thanks and praise to the Lord.

I told my husband that Jesus would meet him at this place and guess what......HE DID.

THANK YOU LORD.

Im smiling at You!

[Jay Ross]

May God continue to draw you both into his warm embrace and keep you safe within it.

May God continue to draw you both into his warm embrace and keep you both safe within it.

May the Lord keep you both safe within His warm embrace.

May His drawing of you both into His embrace in all circumstances never cess.

[sacredcowbasher]

Praise God, I rejoice as well for what is happening, and happy birthday GS; and many more.

[GodsStudent]

Thank you. I can't wait to have my 10 minute phone call with him again this week. It really lifted my spirits last week. I get to see him soon, too....yippie!

[Resurrection Torchlight]

Just wondering how things are going? Thinking of you and praying for your husband.

RT

[GodsStudent]

Hey RT! Thanks for your support and for asking, I'll update.....

The truth......

My husband has been redeemed by the Lord, which is a great and wonderful thing......He is clean and no longer a part of that horrible and life killing world of drugs and alcohol abuse.
but.....all of this has still cost.....me.......

Due to the stress of hanging on like I did....and enduring so much gut wrenching pain and suffering to fight for him, I am now in a position of having to fight for myself. It wore me down....and my health suffered. Since about May, I have been having extreme pain in my neck which I told my doctors about, but all assumed it was my RSD....and stress from being tense. The pain has gone from my neck down my arms and into my hands....with lots of nerve involvement. My voice gets hoarse and I have had difficulty swallowing food. Then I saw my OB doctor, she said my thyroid was swollen. She referred me to my family doc who agreed and referred me to an ENT who agreed and sent me for an ultrasound. They found 3 masses on my thyroid and next week, I check into the hospital to have them biopsied. At present, I have every single symptom of thyroid cancer, plus loss of appetite (the weight loss is great, but not liking to eat, not so great), and I genuinely believe that I was weakened by the stress caused by all of this drug stuff. It is what it is, and I chose to fight the way I did, BUT.....and I am sincerely speaking to anyone out there who is dealing with this drug addiction stuff in the lives of loved ones.....

its like this.....

David (Exit 40) wrote something to me that I cut and pasted and put on my computer screen and it helped me more than the hours of reading and everything else I did every time my husband went out in the streets (and I stayed home worrying the phone would ring or a knock would come at the door)......and he would be in jail or dead.......

David wrote to me: Just remember, the addict is not done until they are done. Until that is apparent, it should be clear moving on and not looking back is the next step. Anything else, other than Christ's love, is enabling."

David's words were pure truth and I knew it when I read them, so I read them every day until I became willing to live them, then I told my husband he had two options....rehab or leave our home. He said he was NOT going to rehab and he left for a month....and by then, he was willing and had been given the good chance to see what his life had become...and me, I was relieved of the stress the in and out addiction caused.....and so when he was ready to let go, he did let go and he got the rehabilitation he needed, and he's back to his old self....and doing great....reading his bible, interacting with the Lord and not interacting with all of his old stomping grounds.

To those of you going thru this (if you've stumbled across my posts here...or if the Lord has led you to them).....please read David's words and consider ONLY THAT....and the sooner you do that for yourself, the sooner you will be free of this force in your life that is destroying not only your loved one, but you as well. Do it better than I did it (meaning you need to work HARD at being honest with yourself and HONESTLY and TRULY being willing to let that person go out of your life if they are using) and get better results than I got......I lived this drama for 14 years, the last two being hell on earth......the first 12 being daily use.......and while I did not condone any of it, I chose to stay in a world that was not me being who I truly wanted to be......and it did cost me in the end.....and it will cost you, too....read David's Words until they resonate in your heart as the truth they are....and become willing to do the only thing you truly can do......save yourself because you truly cannot save or change the next person.....

With love,

Lisa

[burien1]

Praying for the best.

[Jay Ross]

Still believing that the Lord is drawing you both into His loving embrace and that you both begin trusting God's redemptive process for you both and that you both let go and allow God to do all of the work in the healing process by following His lead.

Shalom

[sacredcowbasher]

[Spreading Salt]

Dearest Yeshua,

Please continue to hold this family through the trials of this life. Use it all for good some how, some way. Help them (and us) to trust You through this. Abba, peace for them and strength. Guide the doctors. Lord, I would personally LOVE for the biopsy to be BENIGN. Your will be done in their lives. Please get the pain to subside. I praise You for the amazing journey they are on and the triumph they are experiencing as a couple. Victory and freedom from addiction!!! Hold fast to what we know - YOU ARE FAITHFUL AND TRUSTWORTHY! Thank You for taking care of all their needs. Perfect peace Lord. Guide them. Amen.

[GodsStudent]

I love all of you.....and I thank you for your prayers and support.
It's amazing that we've never actually met face to face, yet we have such a great relationship, strong fellowship together, and we "know" each other so well. Perfect peace be unto each and every one of you through our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus.
Lisa

[bugtussle]

Agreeing with SpreadingSalt in prayer, GodsStudent. Praying in the Spirit with groanings that cannot be uttered. Behold how good and pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! It is like the precious anointing oil upon the head that ran down upon the beard, even Aaron's beard: that went down to the skirts of his garments. As the dew of Hermon, and as the dew that descended upon the mountains of Zion: for there the Lord commanded the blessing, even life for evermore. Ps.133:1-3

[GodsStudent]

Thank you, sister bugtussle. It is especially good to hear from you!

I had the biopsies yesterday morning and the doctor who did them looked at the ultrasound images on the machine he used to do the thyroid, before he did the testing, and specifically said he didn't see anything real scary about the three masses on my thyroid....then he said, "This MAY just be the way God made you, but we will have to biopsy them to be sure."

I don't see the doctors for follow up until next Friday, but I was most encouraged by his comments and am believing them to be non cancerous, unless and until someone tells me otherwise. The scare, as it were, is enough, for sure! It reminds me that I must take better care of myself, which has not left my thoughts since this has come up.

[sacredcowbasher]

Believing with you sis for clear findings and for your husband's victory.

[Resurrection Torchlight]

Just saw your latest update, It's been a busy few weeks for me and I haven't checked in much,thanks for keeping us posted. Praying for continued growth for your husband, and strength to keep him moving in a direction away from addiction. Also praying for this new affliction with your thyroid. Lord I pray that you will provide Lisa with answers about this new condition, I pray against the possibility of cancer, and that whatever the diagnosis, Lord Jesus you will bring good out of it and possibly an answer to her pain issues as well. Lord work through her doctors to give her the best possible treatment possible for whatever is going on and bring healing to this wonderful sister of mine.


RT

[GodsStudent]

Well, he lost his sobriety again last Friday night. He came in lying about it (took money out of the account), so I asked him to leave the house pretty much as soon as he came in, and he did. I am tired of his addiction even if he isn't. He's unreliable, and a great distraction for me from everything else that falls on my shoulders to handle in his absence and inability to maintain himself as a person. It's tiring and so unrewarding. Like David told me.....

"Just remember, the addict is not done, until they are done. Until that is apparent, it should be clear moving on and not looking back is the next step. Anything else, other than Christ's love, is enabling."

I am so grateful for David's words and so glad I got to a place where I could live them.....My husband may not be here (which this person, when he's using is NOT my husband anyway, because he'll stand in my face and lie to me as though it's ok....something he would not do when he's not using).....but all the stress of having to interact with him under these circumstances is NOT here, and that is something .....I am learning how to transition into a life where he doesn't play a very vital role....where I am on my own and my world is my responsibility and I don't have the better or worse I was promised, regardless of the emotions of it all, simply because the facts dictate.....and I'm ok. I can be ok. No, it's not my preference, but his addiction is his and I cant do a thing about it, except pray for him and recognize that its impacts on my marriage are devastating and that's life.....it just is.

I get my biopsy results on Friday.....I am not focusing on this as that would drive me nuts, but would greatly appreciate continued prayer for this as well. Im hoping to get negative results on the biopsy and then to get a doctor to help me straighten out all the problems of a swelling thyroid, hair loss, fatigue, etc. that my thyroid does seem to be doing.....I hope there's a good answer and help for these things!

Thank you all for your continued support and prayers.
Lisa

[Exit40]

Lisa, I have been following along and praying quietly for you and your family. Thank you for the mention, and the impact I have had on your life. I know this is tough having gone through it myself, and ending up alone. My words are the result of a hard lesson, the process of learning how to live them takes time. The stress and suffering of hanging on can indeed cause health problems as the corporal usually reflects the status of the soul. That isn't always directly obvious, but in cases of extreme stress it is. When you get to the point of understanding 'the tears of your heart', you will know the Lord is with you. This is our deepest understanding and sharing of our Lord's Passion. It is a Blessing, in that we suffer with the Lord, for trying to live as He wants us to. The process of getting there is hard, the Blessing sometimes hidden, but it is there waiting for you.

Now consider this. You are a very strong woman. The Lord has Blessed you with a dynamic spirit, one that does not readily accept defeat of any kind. You know this about yourself,and in spite of what may appear to be a difficult future despite that, keep it in mind. And now our really fervent prayers go to work. The Lord hears the passionate prayers we have for our loved ones, and responds. Life goes on and it is what it is are not adequate for His answer. It's hard to find any joy in this right now, or understand how the Lord is working this for His own good, but you will beat this and in time heal from all your wounds of the heart and body. You will be a better woman and stronger in your Faith. And better able to have an impact on the lives of your loved ones and others. I honestly and sincerely believe this. And pray for this too.

God Bless You Sister

David

PS. Your gift to me is the method by which I am writing this. It is a beast, beyond my capability to use fully. Thank you so much.

[GodsStudent]

David: Thank you for writing to my heart in the matters I am currently living. I am constantly reminded that this life is not easy. Many may really think I go to far when I say this, but Satan has been trying to tempt me and make promises to me of late. It's been really creepy and driven home the reality that Christ was provoked in the same manner. I realize that he can only fix this life here and now....and for that, we give up eternal life with Christ. I am not tempted in the least, as I know in my very heart and soul that only the Lord Created Us, loves us and is with us forever.....but it has been really interesting that satan is trying to tempt me with promises of healing my health and my life in order to stop the trials I am now currently enduring. I have thought a lot lately about all of the people who actually have taken those promises from him to fix or make "great" their own "here and now." It's a long story to type out how he's tried to reach me, but my response has been "In Christ's Name, leave me...alone.....".....and I am most sincere in both my understanding and outright desire for satan to do just that. Astonishingly, I am not nearly as weak as I sometimes see myself, given the trials I am living. I would rather have every day be too much for me than even one without the Lord...so indeed, all things considered, I am truly blessed.

My husband, in his free will, will have to choose this day whom he will serve. We all have a choice.

I am SO HAPPY that you are still a part of our lives and your gift to me is so much greater than mine to you. I recall our conversations when we did that and I chuckle to myself....as I know you must be, too. hehe

Thank you again for your support and sharing your experiences with me. Your words were just the thing....as they came at the time I was able to hear them and use them to move forward from the place I have previously been stuck at.

[GodsStudent]

My husband contacted me yesterday, frustrated and ashamed that he passed up two months of being clean in this recent relapse. I let him come home and we are putting more safeguards in place to help him in the times when he has these cravings. He also told me that this time his heart/chest hurt extremely bad and he cut his relapse short, because he thought he was getting ready to have a heart attack.....smh....rme.......scares me to death....but more importantly, I hope it scared him, and know it did. I really want him to have victory here, and am glad he wants to stay clean...it's sad to see the struggle.....We thank you for your prayers....

[GodsStudent]

Thank you, Jesus.

Biopsy results: NEGATIVE.

[burien1]

[Exit40]

:bowing: Thank you, Jesus.

Biopsy results: NEGATIVE.

Prayers answered !

God Bless You

David

[Resurrection Torchlight]

Glad for the negative result on the biopsy, continuing to pray for Charles.

RT

[shorttribber]

[milo3]

GodsStudent,

Very happy to hear about your biopsy results, awesome news.

I have been following along and praying for you and your family.

Keep your head up. :)

milo3

[sacredcowbasher]

Very happy to hear the good news as well

[GodsStudent]

Thank you everyone, for your prayers, your support, your friendship.....for caring.
I cannot ever say how grateful I am to have my FP family....words escape. BUT.....whenever time permits, I treasure the information, advice, and caring discussions we all have with each other.....
We are learning, growing, fellowshipping in Christ and it's just so wonderful......this is always a great place for me to come and spend as much time as I want in the Word and fellowshipping with you all. God is Good and I thank Him that He, so many years back, led me to this ROCK SOLID GROUP of people. You're all wonderful.

[Resurrection Torchlight]

Hi Lisa,

Haven't heard form you in a while, wondering how things are going? Continuing to lift you and your family up to the Lord in Prayer.

RT

[GodsStudent]

Hi RT:
MY daughter and I are in counseling at the church with two wonderful doctors. My husband never (it seems) really quit using the drugs, he just hid it more. I accidentally found out when I looked at the phone bill, looking for something total different. It was also then that I found out he was seeing another woman......
My doctor says he's what's called a "Covert Narcissist" and so I do have PTSD after all the drama, but God is with me....and has been showing up here and there in very obvious ways. It will take me some time to heal, but I am on my way.
I am moving out soon, so to that end, I have been packing when I am not otherwise working. I have a new life ahead of me and am satisfied that I gave everything I had in me for that marriage, so my head is high, my spirits are high and low at times, but like so many others, I will survive this and become more like the me I used to know which is rather encouraging, frankly.
Thank you for asking, RT, and I appreciate all the prayers from all of you. God Bless you. Lisa

[Resurrection Torchlight]

Thanks for the update GodsStudent, I think of you often. And Now I can pray more knowledgeably for you. Has the pain issue gotten any better? Other than knowing they are benign, did you ever get an answer as to the masses on your thyroid?

I just cannot even imagine going through all you have endured. I am so sorry that your husband wasn't honest with you, you did give it your all, you gave him every opportunity and I agree that you should move forward with a clear conscience. I pray that the Lord continues to gird you round about with His strength to keep on going, not only spiritually but physically, emotionally and financially. I am glad that you and your daughter are getting some benefit through counselling, how is your daughter handling all that has gone on?

I have two good friends whose young adult sons are dealing with addiction. One to alcohol, he seems to be taking responsibility and checked himself into rehab. Another to heroin, who is not taking responsibility from what I can tell, and his father is in denial. It is so very sad. Our kids played together growing up, it is devastating to watch someone you care about engage in self destructive behavior and know that there is very little you can do to change their course. I weep with you my friend, for your loss, because it is truly a loss and my heart breaks for you. I pray that God directs you as you move forward, and through all the changes you will have to adapt to. I pray for His wisdom, His healing, His comfort and most of all for His peace.

If you need to talk you can always call me and we can pray together in person.

In Christ, with all my love dear friend

Stacey

[Spreading Salt]

Dearest Yeshua,

Please guide GS and strengthen her for the days ahead. Relief from her physical pains. Don't let her pack her boxes too heavy and throw out her back or anything crazy! I pray for full support from friends, neighbors, church family, etc to help her get everything done. Lord, surround her with Your peace and wisdom. Comfort her heart and mind. Your will be done in her life and her family. For her husband, I pray for conviction to grip him and lead him to make healthy choices for his health and true salvation for his soul. Amen

[sacredcowbasher]

Pro 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Or we can a sister is born for adversity. When I left my ex-wife many years ago now, the Lord brought a friend and brother along side me which helped me get through things. He is faithful like that, and He can do the same for your daughter. We will keep you in prayer.

[GodsStudent]

Thank you so much for the kind words, and prayers. My daughter and I both have two very incredible doctors at the church and it's just simply amazing how God is working through them and with both of us. I am truly in awe sometimes. My daughter is not communicating with her father (her choice, I have nothing to do with it). I think she is just fed up. Two years of drugs and he confided in her about his new "friend" and how this "woman" was going to help him get clean off drugs. Of course, we see by his phone bill that isn't working out so well for him. My daughter, though, is very adamant that I deserve so much better (she has been saying this for the past two years with all the misery he has been bringing into our home).....so she hasn't texted or called him in a few weeks now, and of course, he's moved on, as covert narcissists do, and he hasn't contacted her, either. Alternately, what can he say?
I am very focused on getting packed, so I am a busy girl. It's interesting, actually.....my pain levels are NO WORSE than they were when I wasn't doing so much physical work, so I know this is God giving me physical strength and ability, since in the past, had I worked physically like I am these days, I would have needed to go to the hospital to get my pain levels under control. I am still in pain, of course, but no worse, and so much more active, so I am REALLY appreciating and enjoying being able to work with my hands and my body....it's awesome!.....I haven't been able to do this much for a few years and it feels really good.

I am spending a lot of time (while I work) listening to life coaches, doctors and so forth discuss things I am currently going thru.....getting thru the pain, positive affirmations for myself and being good to myself and my daughter.....I am also listening to my books sometimes, as I've always had a big thing for listening to books. I've heard some really good sermons along the way, too.....but mostly, I think for now, I am more able to tolerate focusing on healing and moving into a new life and accepting that divorce is my only option anymore.....I never wanted to break God's Sacred Covenant, so it's been a bit of a blow for me. That said, it's going to happen, because I simply would not tolerate anything further....Im done trying.

Thank you again for all your prayers. I look forward to the days ahead when this pain and sorrow is in the rear view mirror, and I do know they're coming.

[GodsStudent]

So, I wanted to update my thread a little bit and share since I see it has a lot of hits on it, and obviously, though there aren't many remarks, there are people either praying for us or reading the thread for other purposes. Its personal information, and the story as it unfolds, and certainly one of the Moderators had concern about me giving so much detail, but my spirit knows this is a "God Thing" and so I will keep my commitment to maintain this thing through the process and I am ok that it may or may not make me look like what people thinking worldly might like to judge.....it's ok. God has assured me we do not fight our worldly battles in the flesh, we fight them in the Spirit, because we are His Children, we are Saints of the Most High, and I have no fear here, only the Spiritual Principles to guide me, and my Spirit knows this is ok, so I will keep going.

My husband left without a forwarding address, without making any arrangements for what we would do and not do during our separation as to any and all elements of our life. Im honesty left wondering if he is a true covert narcissist or if the drugs affect him in such a way as that is what he became. I say that, because certainly the man I married is nothing at all like the person I am dealing with now. After two years of drug abuse and openly admitting to having some form of a bond with some other woman (I don't know what the status of that is now and it's not a priority for me at this moment to know).....he suddenly had all these things against me. Knowing myself, and how I stood by him through all of this and even more importantly that I was doing it for the vows I made to him, I am satisfied that these "charges" being rendered against me, for the most part, are the work of the enemy in his mind, and not the reality of my conduct during these hard times in our marriage.

I cry every day and sometimes the anguish is almost more than I am thinking I can bear, but something greater than the grief is going on in my own life. God is preparing me for where He wants me to be next.....regardless of "WHO" will be there....or not. I have enough information about my husband to know that this is still about drugs for him, and it's become his lifestyle now...the getting, the using, and the constant interaction with those that sell and use the same. It is almost impossible for me to imagine the man I married with a drug pipe hanging from his mouth and acting in sordid manners as a result, but not at all difficult for me to imagine the man who left my home to do the same. That man was lying, cheating, covert and secretive and not a husband in any sense of the word.

The world and worldly repeat a lot of things to me that we all say to each other in these sorts of situations, and certainly I need to hear them, because sometimes they help me get through the moments....but the most important thing I need right now is the Great Physician, and so does my husband, so I pray for all of us and our circumstances every day....all through the day. Last night going up and down every isle at the grocery store, I uttered a conversation and thanks and praise to the Lord (best I could, and I must admit I need to get more on the ball with this, because I am alas stuck in a bit of selfish and self centeredness with all my problems looming overhead, and I am too tempted to worry and not trust the ONLY One who is worthy of all my trust and praise......and I worry that I wont like the way He chooses to fix my situation, which is another sin I am aware of in myself). There is more than one reason for me to be in constant contact with the Lord right now through prayer, listening to sermons, reading the scriptures, etc....but certainly, one reason that really matters is it keeps me grounded. I am not flailing around, but staying focused on the fact that I "passed the ball" to the Lord and I constantly remind myself that it's in His hands now, and I constantly have to reremind myself of this fact, because I struggle with letting it be there and going on with what is the next right thing for me to be doing for myself, my daughter, our life. When significant stress like this goes on with me, I tend to think and worry and fret and even take actions that don't benefit it at all.....so constantly talking to the Lord, and constantly reminding myself that I gave Him the ball is the most important thing I can do now to stop myself from trying to figure out what I need to do or could possibly do to improve this situation.....which I cannot improve....only the Living God can work this out in my life for me, if not for "us" and I must constantly remind myself and live that.....

There are a lot of questions I can't answer right now, and I am finding that when I pose these questions to myself and the Lord and I don't have any idea what to do, it is best for me to let whatever "that question is" go. Coming to terms with what has already happened and what is happening is necessary, but knowing what I am going to decide for my life (or the Lord is going to do or not do in my life) is not....it's just that simple, but this is one of the hardest things for me to contend with, because I want to spend too much time wondering if I want to be alone (and lonely!) for the rest of my life or if I should consider dating at some time in the future....things like that.....where I will be "going" from here. This is one of many examples, but it still comes down to what will bring me the most peace and comfort in the moment and today's truthes and facts, and that.....means.......I need to be still and co exist with the here and now and not project into tomorrow's things....because this is still a form of not letting God have the ball and work things out in my life.....it still is me projecting ahead as to what I will think and decide for myself, and it always grieves and stresses me out.....but yet, I find myself trying to do it.

I think back to when things in my marriage were going much better, and I am reminded that I used to spend a lot more time in the Word and listening to sermons and focusing on my walk with the Lord.....To enable me to have peace now, I am doing these things again. While I have books to listen to or read, and there are plenty of other distractions out there that I could help pass my time with, I am reaching for a word from the Lord via these pastors whose sermons I trust....and it helps me make better choices and decisions in the moment and in each day. None of us should constantly focus on the Lord only around the clock, but when in a crisis of monumental proportion, doing that for a period is the only thing I am finding that gives me the peace during the storm that I need to handle myself in the best way possible. So, until further notice.....that's how I am handling my circumstances.......and it's giving me as much peace and comfort as I can possibly have at this time in my life. It keeps me from saying things I wish I wouldn't have said, doing things or not doing things that will make things worse, and having the best mechanisms in place possible to allow things to be as they are and not feel like I have to do something about them.....because I've tried everything else....and not gotten any results worthy of mentioning......Now, finally, I can expect results that are the best for me, because truly God loves me and all of us, and He will make it alright, nomatter what the outcome.....I don't know if that means for our marriage....and I should not worry about that....my relationship with the Lord is not contingent on anything but me actively living what I have been taught by scripture.....and that is how I live and need to live.....and it truly makes all the difference in the world for each moment of each day......and I know when this passes, He will have guided me where I need to be and it will be the right place for me to be....and I will have so many LESS regrets of what I did or didn't do during the time all because I lived this thing that way....with God as the quarterback, passing the ball as He see's fit, and me on the field with everyone else.....learning and in awe because God is the ultimate quarterback and will see team Godsstudent to victory.....as He always does....He is THE leader of the team in my life.

[Jay Ross]

Lisa, I believe that the Lord is working individually to draw both you and your husband to himself. His methods for each of you will be different but it is the Lord's work to achieve. Because I believe it, I give praise that the Lord God is already answering my prayer for you both and that I must believe through faith that the outcome is assured for you both, but the timing for you both may be completely different for the same outcome to be achieved, with both of you being held within His embracing arms.

As I keep believing and thanking the Lord that it is the Lord who is drawing you both into His protective embrace, can I also ask you to give thanks to the Lord for what He is doing within your life and for you to keep giving Him permission to be doing this work of keeping you "safe" in protecting your eternal life. Also please thank the Lord for the work that He is doing in your husband's life to draw him also into a Godly life. Because you are presently spiritually one, you can give God permission on your husband's behalf to keep on working within your husband's life to draw him to Himself such that he will repent and have everlasting life.