my sister in law

my sister in law

Postby Resurrection Torchlight on Tue Jul 25, 2017 4:32 pm

So today I spent my day at the county family court, with my sister in law and her mom. She was suing her ex husband for back child support payments, it's a long story. She is a believer, albeit not very mature. Part of the settlement is that the home that she lives in has to be sold and is going on the market September 1st. A normal person would have been really pleased with the settlement her lawyer was able to secure for her, but her focus is on losing her home. She is a serious hoarder, she also has bypolar 2 disorder, she has no income and has been supported for many years by her mother, which the rest of the family knew about but were not aware of the extent of it.

My mother in law and my sister in law have a serious co dependency going on, and it is very toxic for both of them. Anyway to shorten the story here, please pray that my sister in law will be able to realize that she cannot pick her living situation, that she must take the steps to help herself by applying for some kind of public assistance, or getting a job. And the most difficult thing ....relinquishing her hold on all that stuff.

On top of this her three children live with her right now and they too are losing their home. They are older, one of them has a good job and can support himself, the other two do not.

Also please pray for me, because I am in the position of family arbitrator, so pray for wisdom and peace as I try to bring some reason to this process.

Thank you!

RT


PS. If anyone here has had to deal with helping a hoarder I am all ears as to the best way to go about it.
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Re: my sister in law

Postby burien1 on Tue Jul 25, 2017 6:41 pm

:praying:
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Re: my sister in law

Postby Jay Ross on Tue Jul 25, 2017 7:42 pm

RT

May your sister in-law discover that the most precious thing(s) in her Life is her maturing relationship with Jesus and that she will be continually drawn further into his loving embrace and develop a deeper relationship with the Lord that surpasses and meets all of her needs.

RT may you also grow in your relationship with God as you experience His leading and promptings within the circumstances that you find yourself being drawn into and that you will be able to love all of the people who are involved such that the heart of God expressed for them, is not only seen, but also experienced through you as you stand beside those in need of your encouragement and wise counsel.

Shalom
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Re: my sister in law

Postby sacredcowbasher on Tue Jul 25, 2017 9:27 pm

They couldn’t have picked a better person. Will pray for your S I L and the kids.
Gal 2: 14-19 But when I saw that they were not straightforward about the truth of the gospel, I said to Peter before them all, "If you, being a Jew, live in the manner of Gentiles and not as the Jews, why do you compel Gentiles to live as Jews? We who are Jews by nature, and not sinners of the Gentiles, knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law but by faith in Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Christ Jesus, that we might be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law; for by the works of the law no flesh shall be justified. But if, while we seek to be justified by Christ, we ourselves also are found sinners, is Christ therefore a minister of sin? Certainly not! For if I build again those things which I destroyed, I make myself a transgressor. For I through the law ( the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus ), died to the law ( the law of sin and death ) that I might live to God. Parenthetical remarks added are mine.
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Re: my sister in law

Postby Abiding in His Word on Wed Jul 26, 2017 4:49 am

:praying:
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Re: my sister in law

Postby sacredcowbasher on Fri Aug 04, 2017 10:01 pm

How are things going RT? Was thinking that if the many of the items are sellable, you could help her set up an account on Ebay and sell the items there and make some money.
Gal 2: 14-19 But when I saw that they were not straightforward about the truth of the gospel, I said to Peter before them all, "If you, being a Jew, live in the manner of Gentiles and not as the Jews, why do you compel Gentiles to live as Jews? We who are Jews by nature, and not sinners of the Gentiles, knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law but by faith in Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Christ Jesus, that we might be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law; for by the works of the law no flesh shall be justified. But if, while we seek to be justified by Christ, we ourselves also are found sinners, is Christ therefore a minister of sin? Certainly not! For if I build again those things which I destroyed, I make myself a transgressor. For I through the law ( the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus ), died to the law ( the law of sin and death ) that I might live to God. Parenthetical remarks added are mine.
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Re: my sister in law

Postby Resurrection Torchlight on Sun Aug 06, 2017 4:12 pm

sacredcowbasher wrote:How are things going RT? Was thinking that if the many of the items are sellable, you could help her set up an account on Ebay and sell the items there and make some money.

Thank you for asking<

We are hoping to get the rest of her siblings together and try and hash out a plan to help her. The trouble is that she only has 4 weeks to clean up her house and like I said she is a hoarder, a pretty serious one. She has trouble parting with anything, even trash. She likely does have things of value, but you would have to dig through literally tons of stuff to sort it out and no one wants to help her do that, we have been there and done that more than once. As a family we hope to seize upon the opportunity to force her to accept that she has to throw much of what she has away. She really has very little of anything of any great value. Though there are things she will need to carry on with life. It is hard, because she is so emotionally attached to it all. Taking anything away from her is like severing a leg, and it is very hard for us to relate to her complete lack of rationality when it comes to it. No one in the family is willing to take her in, on top of her hoarding she has a very bad temper, and can be violent.

She also has unrealistic expectations going forward. Her mother (my mother in law) has basically been supporting her and her children for at least 10 years, my sister in law is unemployed and other than one very short term part time job she has never been formally employed. She has done odd cleaning jobs and babysitting over the years to get by. Like I said there is a major codependency between my mother in law and her daughter, I am not sure how far my MIL will go in her effort to keep her daughter afloat, but the rest of the family realizes that to continue on that path is not a long term solution.

My sister in law needs to apply for financial assistance, and housing assistance. Another thing she is unwilling to do. I have offered to help her with it, but so far she has not accepted. she is currently renting a storage unit, (or rather her mother is renting it for her) and is boxing up what should be thrown away and storing it.

I know there are organizations that help hoarders clean out, who are compassionate with them, unfortunately the cost is prohibitive, anywhere from $10,000 up.

On a positive note, she has been seeing a counselor, though I am not sure if she has dealt at all with her hoarding issue. I want to call her this week and give her a heads up about where my SIL is at, and perhaps she can be of some help to get her through this.

In the meantime there are also her two kids, who don't make enough money to live on their own. Her youngest will be starting college in the fall and will be dorming so that helps, but her middle child is another story. She works at a local grocery store, makes minimum wage and can't make it on her own.

I appreciate the prayers, as we try to negotiate the irrational and emotional waters of her mental state, and also in dealing with my mother in law who has enabled her daughter's bad behavior for as long as anyone can remember.

Please pray that her sisters and my husband (and I) would be able to deal with her in a sensitive caring manner, there is a lot of unpacked baggage the family has carried around for years. And that she would be willing to accept the reality of her situation, which is a very tall order. If she refuses our help, I am not sure what will happen.

But this I know...our God is a God of impossible situations, and He can work to bring about a resolution.

God Bless

RT
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Re: my sister in law

Postby Spreading Salt on Wed Aug 09, 2017 8:42 am

Dearest Yeshua,

Thank You for leading them through this overwhelming ordeal. Give strength and patience, discernment and grace through all communications. Soften hearts where needed. Heal the emotional wounds Lord. Please make a way for some serious downsizing. I pray they can accomplish Your purposes. Let them have enough time to get things done. Help them Lord. Thank You. Amen
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Re: my sister in law

Postby Resurrection Torchlight on Sat Aug 12, 2017 7:57 am

Just a quick update

The siblings are meeting today to finalize how we can help my sister in law. My mother in law was also supposed to come, but has backed out, which isn't a good sign, because we need her cooperation in order for our plan to be successful. I have also been trying to contact my sister in law so that my husband and I can get together with her to talk about it all. But she is avoiding me. So I am not sure that our efforts to help will even be received by her or my mother in law.

On a good note, my sister in law did agree to allow her councilor talk to me, so I had a long talk with her on the phone yesterday about our hopes to help my sister in law in a meaningful way, I also filled in a lot of the gaps in her understanding of what is really at play. She was not aware of the extent of the hoarding problem, which is not an area she has expertise in and will try to find someone who is, to refer my sister in law to. Which in itself is a huge answer to prayer.

My sister in law, is facing one of the greatest challenge of her life right now, as a hoarder she is facing losing all that stuff she is so fearful of letting go of, as a mother, she is facing not only an empty nest, but is having to choose relationships with her adult kids over her stuff. She may be facing homelessness, she has no income, and those who have helped her in the past are not willing to help her because she has burned her bridges with her attitude. The path forward is not going to be easy for her, or her kids or for us.

Please pray for me, I am hoping that she will be willing to hear me out, if I go alone to meet with her, without my husband she may be willing to talk, my husband has always had to be the father in her life, since their own dad died while they were younger, and she doesn't appreciate his authoritative direction.

I appreciate all your prayers for me and this situation.

RT
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Re: my sister in law

Postby bugtussle on Sat Aug 12, 2017 9:09 am

Praying now for the situation at hand and all involved. Perfect love casts out fear. Fear (being opposite of faith) robs us of life. Am praying for new revelation of the love of Christ in SIL and kids. Yes, our Lord is the one who makes a way out of no way. Alleluia and Amen. Lord :blessyou: RT and strengthen you, make His face to shine upon you and give you peace! In Jesus’ Name - amen.
For the Lord is good and His love endures forever. His mercy will never fail. Amen.
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Re: my sister in law

Postby Resurrection Torchlight on Wed Aug 16, 2017 6:57 am

update:

I was able to meet with my sister in law, sadly she was unwilling to accept our help. She insists that she must look through everything, and only she can decide what gets thrown away. If we had a year to do this that could work, but now we have 2 weeks and it cannot work that way. She has a dumpster at her house and she is slowly filling it, which is something. However we could have filled it in a day and could fill about five more. I am not sure what the consequences will be for her if she does not meet the September 1st deadline. We are thinking she could be evicted, but I am not sure.

My husband and I also met with my mother in law to talk with her, it was very obvious to us in our conversation with her, that she is heavily influenced by her daughter, it was weird, like she was shrouded in a cloud of confusion until we asked her some very reasonable questions and as she thought through the situation it was like the cloud lifted and for a few minutes our mom emerged from the confusion. She spends so much time consumed with my sister in law's life that she begins to think just like her, in the end she agreed with us about what needs to happen going forward, though I am concerned that she will fall right back into the "cloud" when she interacts with her daughter. She is key to our ability to provide meaningful help, if she undermines our efforts we will not succeed.

When I met with my sister in law she was being so unreasonable and accusatory, it was hard to even talk to her about her situation. She insists that she would rather live in her car than move into an apartment. I think the reason for that is that she wants control of her space (no landlord). The reality is that an apartment is the only situation she could afford and maintain. She is also not thinking at all about her kids. I feel so bad for them. The family has offered to help them should they need it.

I am helping move her son into college this week and she will be coming with us, please pray again for me as I will have an opportunity to talk with her again. Pray that the Lord would give me the words to say, I don't want to push her over the edge, but she needs a major reality check. I am pretty sure that the next 6 months of my life are going to be focused on trying to steering my sister in law in a direction she is unwilling to go in.

Thanks again,

RT
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Re: my sister in law

Postby Spreading Salt on Tue Aug 22, 2017 8:51 pm

Dearest Yeshua,
You know what needs to be done in this situation. Please guide everyone involved towards that path. I pray for RT to have the right words and right heart to deal with each moment. Change hearts and outlooks Lord. Please make a way for good and healthy life changes in their lives. Safe travels to school and help the new environment grow and shape this young man. Thank You for all Your provisions. Amen.
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Re: my sister in law

Postby GodsStudent on Thu Aug 24, 2017 9:25 am

sacredcowbasher wrote:They couldn’t have picked a better person. Will pray for your S I L and the kids.


I ABSOLUTELY agree with the above comment. Sis, you are the very best person for your family member as you are almost if not always operating out of a solid adult mind. Many people among us lose it all to fast and turn to their child mind and make a bad situation so much worse. Your heart for the Lord and others, and your being such a solid saint, will go a long way in giving you patience and stamina here.
There is mental health issues at the heart of the hoarding and all the other "reactions" your family member is demonstrating. Unfortunately, your best option here is to lovingly and patiently guide her, adult to adult.......meaning, since she is not a child, she will not accept a lot of instruction, so suggestions, as she is open, and "co" discussion, is your best way to deal with her and this. Unless she thinks the ideas are hers, she likely will shut down.....so getting her to think through the situation by seeing it herself is really the only way she will come to any conclusions that will create actual change. (I am repeating here what the doctors my husband and I see tell us to do with our daughter. He tells us that since she is now grown, we can't parent her anymore, but have to be adult to adult when dealing with her, since she calls the shots in her life.....his advice has been great. He also tells us that when we want to introduce an idea to her, we ask for her permission to share what we think by starting the conversation with "I have an idea about how you could do such and such, would you like to hear it?"......by doing this, she gives us permission to share our idea, so if she doesn't like it, she wont get angry, because she gave us permission to give her our idea).
I don't have any ideas about hoarding, since I don't really know anyone with that condition, but when I prayed for you about this, I was flooded with information that said this hoarding is about comfort and surrounding herself with security or being secure in these things......and what that tells me about this lady is that losing her home coupled with losing her stuff is going to create a lot of trauma for her....and if at all possible, counseling would be her best bet to work through what is happening in her life......fwiw.
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Re: my sister in law

Postby Jay Ross on Thu Aug 24, 2017 1:03 pm

Hello

I read a small book around 10-15 years ago titled "Adult to Adult, how to relate to your parents" was the title, if my memory has not failed me, which gave a number of insights in this area. If you can find a copy of this book, it may well be worth a read as it may explain some of the triggers and defence mechanisms in your sister in law's life and how far back they may stretch in her life. As GS has said, it is very difficult to tell another adult what to do, but it is possible to ask "leading" questions which helps that person to discover the "solution" for themselves.

God has drawn us into His loving embrace. As such we too should follow His example.

May the Lord also include your sister in law in the book of life as He draws her into His loving embrace such that she is secure in His Word and loving embrace.

Shalom
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Re: my sister in law

Postby Resurrection Torchlight on Thu Aug 24, 2017 5:05 pm

Thank you SS, GS and Jay, and all the others here who I know prayed and are praying for me and my sister in law. GS and Jay I appreciate your insights and encouragement.

I did not get to talk much with my sister in law, she ended up driving as well to take her son to college. Most of our conversation happened as we were unloading his things and was mostly small talk and more light hearted. Which is okay, I was feeling a tad overwhelmed by it all to tell the truth, so I was glad that it worked out the way it did and it gave her a chance to relate to me on a different level.

I know that this is very traumatic for her, and GS I know you are right about her finding security in her things. When I talked to her the first time, I did talk to her and asked her questions, but I also had to relay how we are willing to help her. She admitted that she is a slave to her things, that they keep her in bondage. We were able to talk without her "freaking out". Honestly she has come a long way, even admitting that she is a hoarder and actually throwing things away- it is huge step in the right direction. She is seeing a therapist who is working on getting her a counselor who specializes in hoarding, the trouble is the time issue, If she had more time I do believe that she could accomplish it. But she has less than a week now before the house is supposed to be listed and I don't know what will happen if it's not ready.

I guess we will just have to wait and see.

And keep praying

RT
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Re: my sister in law

Postby GodsStudent on Fri Aug 25, 2017 11:38 am

I would think an attorney could help here with the MENTAL ILLNESS element to this case. I know that even if the IRS wants to take a person's house, the second a mental illness comes into play, they stop proceedings completely, for example. So, even though a judge has issued an Order, I would be talking to an attorney to find out if that Order can be overturned due to her mental illness???? In the least, she seems to need more time so this may be a way to get that for her?
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Re: my sister in law

Postby Resurrection Torchlight on Fri Sep 01, 2017 8:32 pm

Another update:

As far as her mental illness goes, it may be true that an attorney could intervene on her behalf. But honestly, I do not think that would be the best course for her. It will only enable her to continue in that state. She has a therapist who is willing to help her, but she so far has not allowed her to. I have tried to encourage her to get that help, because frankly she needs a professional who has experience with hoarding and she needs it sooner rather than later. The other problem is that she has an attorney that has really gone to bat for her, and will likely not do more because my sister in law has no means to pay her for what she has already done for her let alone anything more.

So I had a pretty crummy day this past Monday, first of all my Mother in law called in the morning asking me to pray for her as she was going over to her daughter's house to help her "clean" her bathroom. Normally we pray together on the phone, but she had another incoming call and had to cut ours short. I was glad for this, because I knew that the prayer I would be praying was not necessarily the one she would want me to pray, that is for her eyes to be opened to the futility of spending time there cleaning. Then later that day just before dinner my sister in law called me to "pick a bone" with me. Basically she spent 45 minutes on the phone trying to lay a major guilt trip on me, basically trying to blame me for issues in her life, ultimately what she was looking for is for me to "store" her things at my house for her, which I flat out refused to do. Any way, I kept my cool and tried to talk some sense into her irrationality, I told her I care about her and am still willing to help her in other ways, like helping her apply for aid, and finding a new place to live, I told her that concerning her stuff, I cannot take part in helping her remain a slave to her things.

During our conversation, my mother in law and my sister in law's Pastor, his wife and his mother, were all over there "helping clean". I had to wonder if my sister in law purposely called me to get a reaction out of those who were in earshot of our conversation? That and it gave her an excuse not to help them. You see her tactic is to get people over there to "help her sort or clean" but when they show up, she doesn't let them actually do anything, because she has to approve every move they make, she just sits there and watches over them. So what ends up happening is that things just get moved around and nothing gets thrown away or actually cleaned. Even if something does get cleaned, in a few days, you would never notice it. My sister in law is feverishly trying to manipulate people into taking her things to store for her and when they refuse, they go on her "hit" list.

I talked to my mother in law later and she said she was there for 6 hours and basically accomplished nothing. So she experienced the futility first hand, whether or not she realized it is another question altogether.

I am really starting to see how very dysfunctional my sister in law and mother in law are in their relationship with each other, it is awful, and I lay awake that night realizing that there are powers and principalities at work here that have created a serious stronghold that is spreading its tentacles into the lives of others, including me, through them. For instance, Sunday in church my Mother in law shows up, asking me if my husband will take an unwanted box of electronics she had taken from her daughter's house. My husband refused and told her to throw it away, which was what she should have done with it herself. In response, my mother in law had a fit and said she will disown him. There were plenty of people around who heard this conversation. (It's a mess, and I am not sure I want to be the one in the middle of it all.) What a terrible hurtful thing to say.

I have said all I can to my sister in law at least for now and thankfully I have said nothing I regret, and now I have to have a very frank conversation with my mother in law, about the boundaries I must set in my relationship with her.

Please pray for me, that I will be able to draw those lines with her in a loving and caring way, that she will understand.

I do not think that things are going to get any easier, and they may end very badly for my sister in law. Time will tell.

Thank you all in advance for the prayers

RT
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Re: my sister in law

Postby burien1 on Sat Sep 02, 2017 6:40 am

I have a friend who is a hoarder. She has been seeing a therapist for 6 years and is still no closer to being willing to part with any of her stuff. She knows she could be evicted at any time. She lost a man she was nuts over. And yet she still goes and buys antique furniture, and fancy pots she can not even use in a kitchen so cluttered she can't cook in it. She eats out 3 times a day, 7 days a week instead. I am past the end of my rope when it comes to trying to help. It is like a drug addict. They have to really want help, first. I have at least gotten her to attend a church regularly.
I have to trust the Lord to somehow get through to her. Anything I say goes in one ear and out the other. I am merely her sounding board to complain about how unfair life is.

My heart goes out to you, since this is a family member.I watch the hoarding shows on Tv, and these people drive their family members away. They reach the end of their ropes when dealing with the hoarder. But you and your husband have God on your side.

I will pray for all of you, especially for wisdom and guidance from the Lord. When you have done all you can do, you have to stand still. Believe in what he can do even when you don't see it now.
Psalm 119:105; Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
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Re: my sister in law

Postby Resurrection Torchlight on Sun Sep 03, 2017 8:08 pm

burien1 wrote:I have a friend who is a hoarder. She has been seeing a therapist for 6 years and is still no closer to being willing to part with any of her stuff. She knows she could be evicted at any time. She lost a man she was nuts over. And yet she still goes and buys antique furniture, and fancy pots she can not even use in a kitchen so cluttered she can't cook in it. She eats out 3 times a day, 7 days a week instead. I am past the end of my rope when it comes to trying to help. It is like a drug addict. They have to really want help, first. I have at least gotten her to attend a church regularly.
I have to trust the Lord to somehow get through to her. Anything I say goes in one ear and out the other. I am merely her sounding board to complain about how unfair life is.

My heart goes out to you, since this is a family member.I watch the hoarding shows on Tv, and these people drive their family members away. They reach the end of their ropes when dealing with the hoarder. But you and your husband have God on your side.

I will pray for all of you, especially for wisdom and guidance from the Lord. When you have done all you can do, you have to stand still. Believe in what he can do even when you don't see it now.


Thanks burein1, it is good to hear from someone who has experienced this kind of thing. My sister in law too, just likes to complain about how unfair life has been for her and to lay blame at everyone else's feet but her own. The hardest thing right now is dealing with my mother in law. This whole thing is really taking a toll on her physically and emotionally, she's in her 80's, and has been an enabler for my sister in law all of her life. The problem is that now that she is older, and the crisis is deepening, it is becoming harder for her to carry on the dysfunctional relationship with her daughter, she is feeling overwhelmed and trapped and even though it is effecting her so negatively, she continues to enable, she cannot say no to her daughter. I fear that she will end up in the hospital or worse.

I truly appreciate your prayers

RT
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Re: my sister in law

Postby burien1 on Mon Sep 04, 2017 5:51 am

:praying:
Psalm 119:105; Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
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Re: my sister in law

Postby Abiding in His Word on Mon Sep 04, 2017 7:56 am

:praying:
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Re: my sister in law

Postby GodsStudent on Tue Sep 05, 2017 11:37 am

Hi RT:
I hate you are in this dreadful predicament with all of these loved ones. I am finally learning how to separate myself from those I am related to just as easily as I do it with people I am not related to. Somehow when we're related to others, we give them "passes" we dont give the rest of the world.....I've been looking at that lately and think it actually encourages bad behavior, so I've committed to stopping. Here's something I am dealing with:

My mother is an angry person and hateful and controlling to literally everyone in our family. She is toxic a lot of the time we are all together. I am astonished that the others in my family allow her to yell at them and scream at all of us and insult, belittle.....just carry on in such ways.....but I literally say I am leaving the room or going outside or something similar when she starts acting like that now. I dont address her directly, but I have started showing them all I don't want to be in the environment....and others are seeing it now. I dont know why my mother thinks she can talk to ANYONE like she talks to some of us, but now....I just don't care......for me....I wont be around it....so I literally leave the room when she acts like this. Others argue with her and carry on....me.....I remove myself now.....
She may be my mother, his wife, her aunt, his niece.....but I honestly don't know why anyone thinks they can act that way towards another......or talk that way to another....regardless of the relationship.....and I show my disapproval by politely removing my company from them.......and she's noticed I am doing it, too....she made a remark about maybe not getting enough rest was the "cause" of her "personality disorder." I did not say a word.

RT, I am really proud of you for telling your hoarder loved one that you won't be enabling the hoarding.....
Your MIL's bad behavior at church is upsetting and she is not doing the hoarder any favors by enabling and also by attacking someone else because they won't join her in the sick thinking...... :(
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Re: my sister in law

Postby Resurrection Torchlight on Tue Sep 12, 2017 6:18 am

Just wanted to ask anyone who sees this this morning to please say a prayer for me, I am going to my mother- in-law's today and plan on having a frank conversation with her about the current situation with her daughter. pray that the Lord will guide what comes from my mouth, that I will speak in love and that she will receive it.

thanks

RT
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Re: my sister in law

Postby GodsStudent on Tue Sep 12, 2017 9:04 am

Praying for all of you, RT!
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Re: my sister in law

Postby burien1 on Tue Sep 12, 2017 9:53 am

:praying:
Psalm 119:105; Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
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Re: my sister in law

Postby mark s on Tue Sep 12, 2017 9:57 am

Praying for you!

:praying:
ειπεν αυτη ο ιησους εγω ειμι η αναστασις και η ζωη ο πιστευων εις εμε καν αποθανη ζησεται
. . . saying to her Jesus, I AM the resurrection and the life, the one believing into Me even dying shall live . . .
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Re: my sister in law

Postby shorttribber on Tue Sep 12, 2017 12:36 pm

:praying:
The Wisest men have changed their Counsels and Resolves upon second thoughts, much more upon experience, and approaching evils not at first discovered. Rev. Herbert Croft, 1675

Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.

Find seven years of tribulation plainly stated in the Bible.
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Re: my sister in law

Postby GodsStudent on Tue Sep 12, 2017 1:30 pm

RT, how did it go?
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Re: my sister in law

Postby Resurrection Torchlight on Tue Sep 12, 2017 5:18 pm

Well I said what I wanted to say, and in a way that was God honoring, my mother in law however reacted fairly defensively which did not surprise me. I assured her I love her and care about her and in the end she seemed to get over it and we had a fairly nice time together. She knows where I stand and our relationship is still intact, which was my goal. So I am glad.

Thanks for the prayers, I could tell people were praying for me. I had a definite sense that God was guiding me especially in keeping me from saying more than necessary.

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Re: my sister in law

Postby shorttribber on Tue Sep 12, 2017 7:29 pm

Resurrection Torchlight wrote:Well I said what I wanted to say, and in a way that was God honoring, my mother in law however reacted fairly defensively which did not surprise me. I assured her I love her and care about her and in the end she seemed to get over it and we had a fairly nice time together. She knows where I stand and our relationship is still intact, which was my goal. So I am glad.

Thanks for the prayers, I could tell people were praying for me. I had a definite sense that God was guiding me especially in keeping me from saying more than necessary.

RT


Very good....Praise God :grin:
The Wisest men have changed their Counsels and Resolves upon second thoughts, much more upon experience, and approaching evils not at first discovered. Rev. Herbert Croft, 1675

Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.

Find seven years of tribulation plainly stated in the Bible.
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Re: my sister in law

Postby Resurrection Torchlight on Wed Sep 13, 2017 7:27 am

So all that is left to do is wait, to see what will happen. Unfortunately our efforts to avert a crisis have fallen flat, my mother in law continues to enable her daughter, which is sad, but expected. Our efforts now will have to be reactionary, and thus will be accompanied by lots of frustration and high drama when it comes. Likely right around holiday season too. Which I am not excited about at all. But it is what it is, and I (we) have done what we can. I am distancing myself from the drama which is also sad, because it means I have to distance myself from my mother in law. But I have come to the realization that she is also very manipulative and I cannot put myself in the position for her to try to do so.

Again I thank you all for the prayers, and I know I will be back here to update when things start to hit the fan to let you all know how best to pray. I really appreciate the prayers and thank God for you all.

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Re: my sister in law

Postby mark s on Wed Sep 13, 2017 9:12 am

I thank God for you, RT, and will continue to pray for your family.

:hugs:
ειπεν αυτη ο ιησους εγω ειμι η αναστασις και η ζωη ο πιστευων εις εμε καν αποθανη ζησεται
. . . saying to her Jesus, I AM the resurrection and the life, the one believing into Me even dying shall live . . .
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Re: my sister in law

Postby GodsStudent on Wed Sep 13, 2017 12:05 pm

mark s wrote:I thank God for you, RT, and will continue to pray for your family.

:hugs:


I do, too, Mark!

:hugs: My very special friend, RT.
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Re: my sister in law

Postby Resurrection Torchlight on Thu Sep 14, 2017 2:49 pm

Thanks for that you guys- it really means a lot to me!

You all are special to me too!

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Re: my sister in law

Postby Spreading Salt on Fri Sep 15, 2017 7:31 am

Dearest Yeshua,

Thank You for guiding and providing strength to RT through the days ahead. Give her discernment and the ability to deal lovingly but firmly with each moment. Take every thought captive Lord and lead her through it all. Please preserve and protect the relationships. Your will be done Lord. Amen.
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Re: my sister in law

Postby sacredcowbasher on Sun Sep 17, 2017 7:12 pm

Bravo RT for your participation in this difficult family matter. It sounded messy from the get go and they may not realize that they are lucky to have you in their lives at this time because of the drama that is caused from letting things go for so long. I will continue to lift up mother in law and her kids and hope for something good.
Gal 2: 14-19 But when I saw that they were not straightforward about the truth of the gospel, I said to Peter before them all, "If you, being a Jew, live in the manner of Gentiles and not as the Jews, why do you compel Gentiles to live as Jews? We who are Jews by nature, and not sinners of the Gentiles, knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law but by faith in Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Christ Jesus, that we might be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law; for by the works of the law no flesh shall be justified. But if, while we seek to be justified by Christ, we ourselves also are found sinners, is Christ therefore a minister of sin? Certainly not! For if I build again those things which I destroyed, I make myself a transgressor. For I through the law ( the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus ), died to the law ( the law of sin and death ) that I might live to God. Parenthetical remarks added are mine.
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Re: my sister in law

Postby GodsStudent on Mon Oct 23, 2017 1:58 pm

Hey RT: I sent you an email from my new email address and didn't hear back from you, just wanting to confirm you got it?
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Re: my sister in law

Postby Resurrection Torchlight on Sat Nov 04, 2017 5:49 pm

GodsStudent wrote:Hey RT: I sent you an email from my new email address and didn't hear back from you, just wanting to confirm you got it?

Sorry that I didn't get back to you sooner- I did not get it, I will PM you my email address in case you have it wrong for some reason, please resend when you have a chance. So check your messages.

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Re: my sister in law

Postby Resurrection Torchlight on Sat Nov 04, 2017 6:04 pm

Just wanted to post an update as to what is going on with my sister in law

She never did get the house ready to sell. The real estate agent showed up and the house was a disaster still. In the end the lawyers agreed to allow her ex husband to foreclose on the house rather than sell it. In her mind that is a good thing, and perhaps it is. She has more time maybe a year or more to figure out what she will do next. She will also not have to wait until the house sells to start receiving back child support payments from her ex husband which are substantial each month, garnished from his wages. So she will have a steady income for the first time in her life.

Sadly the whole situation has really put a damper on our family relationships. My mother in law, has really withdrawn from my relationship with her. Because I refused to help enable her daughter's bad behavior. I have tried to reach out to both of them, my mother in law will respond with reservation but my sister in law does not return my calls or texts at all.

So for now, things are on hold, the immediate crisis has been averted until the house forecloses. When it happens then we will have to see what happens and where she will end up living, so far she still does not want to address the issue.

Thanks everyone for the prayers, please pray that my sister in law will get the help she needs to address her hoarding issue. She has a therapist who wants to help her find someone who specializes in that problem. But so far she has refused the help. Your continued prayers are much appreciated.

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Re: my sister in law

Postby burien1 on Sat Nov 04, 2017 6:35 pm

I am so sorry about the strain in your relationship with them, but you are doing what is right and hopefully they will see that one day. I will continue to pray for all of you. :praying:
Psalm 119:105; Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
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Re: my sister in law

Postby GodsStudent on Sun Nov 05, 2017 5:46 am

Hi RT: Foreclosures here in SC can be completed in as few as around 5 months, depends on how fast service documents are completed, whether the defendant responds, and other matters....whether it's being foreclosed seeking a deficiency judgment, etc. I just wanted to throw that out there, because if there is no contest to the foreclosure, it could be done and over in as few as 5 or 6 months.
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Re: my sister in law

Postby Resurrection Torchlight on Wed Nov 08, 2017 8:37 am

GodsStudent wrote:Hi RT: Foreclosures here in SC can be completed in as few as around 5 months, depends on how fast service documents are completed, whether the defendant responds, and other matters....whether it's being foreclosed seeking a deficiency judgment, etc. I just wanted to throw that out there, because if there is no contest to the foreclosure, it could be done and over in as few as 5 or 6 months.


Thanks GS, I didn't know that. I am not sure about here in NY, what I have read is that it can take over a year, but I don't think there will be any contest so not sure how that will change things. Guess I need to do more research.

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Re: my sister in law

Postby sacredcowbasher on Fri Nov 10, 2017 1:26 am

Thank you for your sacrifice RT. It has been a good work for your relatives, and the outcome seems to be what is best. I will continue to lift up sister in law and the kids. God bless you mightily
Gal 2: 14-19 But when I saw that they were not straightforward about the truth of the gospel, I said to Peter before them all, "If you, being a Jew, live in the manner of Gentiles and not as the Jews, why do you compel Gentiles to live as Jews? We who are Jews by nature, and not sinners of the Gentiles, knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law but by faith in Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Christ Jesus, that we might be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law; for by the works of the law no flesh shall be justified. But if, while we seek to be justified by Christ, we ourselves also are found sinners, is Christ therefore a minister of sin? Certainly not! For if I build again those things which I destroyed, I make myself a transgressor. For I through the law ( the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus ), died to the law ( the law of sin and death ) that I might live to God. Parenthetical remarks added are mine.
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