Unequally Yoked Spouses Club (cont.)

Discussion related to children, marriage and family issues.

Postby Operator on Sat Sep 01, 2007 6:59 am

Sue-M,

We posted about the same time. My battery on my latop is dying, so I have to log off for now - but I will be praying for you and your situation and I'll check back later on!

Love you girl! :hugs: Hang in there! :praying:
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19
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Postby Sue-M on Sat Sep 01, 2007 7:37 am

Thank you, Operator. I know I need prayer. I am hoping for direction or advice. I so wish God was here, physically. I need to know exactly what God thinks.

I forgot to say that he is fixing the laptop because that's the computer that he uses and the car is in his name and he has a loan out for it. The car was another thing against my wishes. I told him when we moved into this trailer.....no more loans. He got the loan for the car and then gave it to me. I was appreciative. But, I would have been very happy with a car that was paid for also. Even one that didn't look as nice. This is why it's hard for me, because, some of the things that he does are benefitting me. But, I just wish I was a part of this marriage. Maybe, I need to learn to submit more?

The bills are another issue. I gave up years ago working with him with the bills. I gave up because, again, he paid or didn't pay who he wanted. I did a budget, showed it to him to see what he thought. He said the budget was good, but then didn't follow it. So, I gave up on the bills. But, now, we owe the IRS $9,000. I just saw the notice in the mail the other day.

I was thinking about going to the doctor to get depression medication. But, I was on that before and had a very hard time getting off of it. And I think to myself that if the Trib is coming, that would be all I would need. To have depression meds. cut off. That's the worst thing you could do is just stop taking these medications.

But, I am so depressed, I can't even think straight.
Luke 21:28

When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.
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Postby CarolinaCJ on Sat Sep 01, 2007 8:15 am

Sue-M, I will be praying for you sister....I can't go into the whole story right now, but I know exactly where you're coming from in many ways. And there have been times when I felt as you do, that I didn't even want to pray for him but I have done so out of obedience. (Sometimes they aren't too fervant, but I'm asking God to change my heart as well!)

Money, sex and lies are our biggest issues as well. It's very hard to trust someone who will say all the right words, but never back it up with their actions. He lies to me to avoid conflict and because he's embarrassed, but it doesn't change his actions.

As I look back, things have not changed a lot over the years, but they have changed, and THAT is what I'm thankful for. I have prayed many times to allow me to see Matt as HE sees him and replace my apathy with love again.

:praying:
cj

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Postby Sue-M on Sat Sep 01, 2007 9:19 am

CarolinaCJ wrote:Sue-M, I will be praying for you sister....I can't go into the whole story right now, but I know exactly where you're coming from in many ways. And there have been times when I felt as you do, that I didn't even want to pray for him but I have done so out of obedience. (Sometimes they aren't too fervant, but I'm asking God to change my heart as well!)

Money, sex and lies are our biggest issues as well. It's very hard to trust someone who will say all the right words, but never back it up with their actions. He lies to me to avoid conflict and because he's embarrassed, but it doesn't change his actions.

As I look back, things have not changed a lot over the years, but they have changed, and THAT is what I'm thankful for. I have prayed many times to allow me to see Matt as HE sees him and replace my apathy with love again.

:praying:


Thank you CarolinaCJ. I don't even know what I need right now. Help, that's all I can think of. Trust me, I post all this as I grovel in the dirt, because, I have opened myself up big time. I took the bandaid off my open wound for you all to see and it's sort of embarrasing for me.

But, I know that God will use you guys to help me. And the outcome will be in God's Will. So, my trust is in God. Whatever He wants me to do. I will do.
Luke 21:28

When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.
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Postby Sue-M on Sat Sep 01, 2007 9:21 am

If you think that I should just pray, even though I don't feel like it. I will. What should I pray? For my heart to be changed? I will pray for that and for God to show me what He wants me to know.
Luke 21:28

When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.
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Postby Passion on Sat Sep 01, 2007 12:03 pm

CarolinaCJ wrote:: I know that we are supposed to pray, so I am doing my part but the rest is up to God. I know it's God's will for Matt to walk closely with Him, but I also believe that Matt has free will....my prayer is that God will draw him. I believe God can do ANYTHING, but Matt has to choose. That's where my lack of faith comes in.

I am going to have to pray that I can believe this is possible for MY husband....maybe God wants to change my prayer life (and possibly my attitude :grrr: ).



Okay, so I'm not Kina, but I hope you don't mind me sticking my :2cents: in.....

But, acknowledging that God gives everyone the free will to choose is not lack of faith! Over and over in the Bible it talks about choice--starting in the Garden. Sure, God gave them one rule that He didn't want them to break, but He also gave them the free will to make their own choices, even if that meant breaking the rule--and thus, fellowship with Him. There is no such thing as love that is forced. Look at it this way--we all want our kids to love us, right? But what if they didn't? We'd be heartbroken, for one thing, so....let's say that there was such a thing as a magic potion or something that we could give them to make them love us. Would we do it? I know I wouldn't--if I made my kids love me--gave them no choice in the matter--then it wouldn't really be love now, would it? It would be nothing but bondage. And I don't mean the loving, bondage-by-our-own-free-will kind that we have with Jesus; 'cause we have decided we want to be His bond-servants--I mean the other kind of bondage--where they would be unwilling victims. Also when Joshua gave his speech before they crossed into the Promised Land, he talked all about how God had given them choices; they had a choice whether to serve the Lord or not, and how he and his family had chosen to do so: Jos 24:15 "If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD." and Psa 95:7 .......Today, if you would hear His voice,
Psa 95:8 Do not harden your hearts, as at Meribah, As in the day of Massah in the wilderness,
Psa 95:9 "When your fathers tested Me, They tried Me, though they had seen My work.


I don't believe God is going to force anyone to come to Him--I don't think He wants to drag anyone kicking and screaming into Heaven...if we don't want to be there, we don't have to go. But based upon what the Bible says about God's omniscience, He's always known everything and everyone from the beginning--how each person would turn out, and the choices we would make (Like in Jer. 1:5). He doesn't exist in Time as we know it--He knows every tiny detail of beginning, end, and everything in between. Therefore, I take great comfort in knowing that He would also know who will be praying what for whom. Prayer moves the hand of God--not because He's forced to do anything, of course, but because He loves us and wants us to call upon Him, depending on Him. So that being the case, if He already knew before Time began who would be praying, who they would be praying for, and what they're petitions to Him would be....I think He would call those to Himself. This gives me comfort not only because after much prayer my husband got saved, but also because I have many unsaved family members I'm yet praying for--the most beloved of these being my prideful, pig-headed, believe-in-anything-but-Jesus, son. (Oyvey, is this boy ever testing my faith--much more than hubby ever did! :roll: )

Sorry this ended up being so long and, probably confusing! One thing I would recommend to all of you is get, read, and utilize "The Power of the Praying Wife" book--or if you're a guy, and/or parent, "The Power of the Praying Husband" and "The Power of the Praying Parent", all by Stormie Omartian. Look, I'm not saying these should be read in place of the Bible, of course....but I found them soooo helpful in showing me how to pray, first of all, for my husband and my marriage. That was when things really began to change, after reading that book and getting new insights on praying for my husband--starting with searching my own guilty heart, and admitting and repenting of my own sin; thus being able to, as Stormie so aptly put it, pray for my husband "with a clean heart."

Oh dear, I've done it again..... :blahblah2: :doh:
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me."

--Mica 7:7-8


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Postby Passion on Sat Sep 01, 2007 12:35 pm

Sue, I hear where you're coming from on so many of these issues. The lies, the self-serving attitude...boy, that sounds like my first marriage! We used to take in foster kids and, can you believe it, my ex decided he was tired of it so....he went to our local CPS office (Child Protective Services) and told them I was suffering from severe depression, on meds, and couldn't handle it anymore! But, he added, he was afraid if they suddenly took away our license, I would go ballistic, so....best if they let us keep the license, but just didn't send us any more kids...at least, not for a loooong time.....They did what he wanted because he was a cop. (The reason I know this is because he admitted it after we split up. Plus a lot of other garbage.)

For so long I had wondered why almost a year had gone by, and no request from CPS that we take any kids. I couldn't figure it out, 'cause with his job and all, and knew they were being taken away from their tweaker/abusive parents right and left, and that there were never enough foster homes! In our state (at least at that time), only a cop could actually come in and take a kid away; then they would take them to CPS, who would scramble to find a place for them. The shortage was so great that one evening, as the office was closing, my ex brought in 3 severely neglected, filthy little ones whose moms had been gone for 2 days. The social workers made calls, couldn't find anything available, so the ex made them each take a kid home for the night! (Well, unless he lied about that, too!)

And, like Satan in the garden, when he told them about my depression, he mixed partial truth in with the lies. Yes, I had gone through depression; yes, I was currently on meds. But I was not the freakazoid he painted me up to be--the meds were working perfectly, and I was handling life just fine.

But I never want to go back to them, now that I've found a simple cure: lots of fish oil and vitamin D (best in the form of cod liver oil). That's it. No more depression.

And the money thing you mentioned--that's totally my current marriage! It's only just getting to the point where he wants to be debt-free (well, except the house), and we're nearly there--but he still has a bit of what financial guru Dave Ramsey calls "Stuff-itis". The difference is, now he buys tons of stuff to re-sell, and is so good at it he's quitting his job to work our biz FT....but man, he still scares me the way he spends not only everything in our biz account, but personal checking, savings, you name it--all in the name of business. Yes, he makes waaaay more on it than he originally spent, but in the meantime, while he's getting it ready to sell, or we're waiting for it to sell, we're scrambling to pay the bills! Then when his latest round of stuff sells, the cycle starts all over again. *Sigh*. So even though he's saved, and there have been major, wonderful changes in him, me, and our marriage....of course, it's not perfect, but then, what is?

If you haven't read what I posted to CarolinaCJ, check out at least the last part, where I was telling her about "The Power of the Praying Wife". I think that could really give you some good insight into how to pray effectively for your husband--plus, a lot of comfort from a wife who's been there, done that! (Her marriage was pretty awful, too!)

:praying: for you Sue, Carolina, Lime, Operator....ALL of you! When names escape me I just say "Well--YOU know who they are, God--You know--everyone in the UYSC! And all of FP!" :sunshine:
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me."

--Mica 7:7-8


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Postby Sue-M on Sat Sep 01, 2007 4:09 pm

Thanks, Passion. I'll look for that book. We just moved here a few years ago. I have to find a Christian book store. I wanted to find a place also that sells a good selection of worship music. I just don't like to spend money. On myself anyway, because my kids always need something. Plus right now, I'm trying to save, just in case my husband tells me he wants out and then, I will have to find another place to live.
Luke 21:28

When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.
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Postby Passion on Sat Sep 01, 2007 4:17 pm

Well, don't look at it as spending $$ on yourself, because it will benefit everyone!

But at any rate, your library may have it. I borrowed the one I read from someone at church. Oh yeah, if your church has a library it may be in there, as well! :grin:
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me."

--Mica 7:7-8


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Postby nickylouse on Sat Sep 01, 2007 4:22 pm

Sue M,
Everyone here knows the biblical role of the husband is the servant leader. Here's the difficult thing for us to remember. Unsaved husbands either don't know that or don't understand that.
you wrote:Should I just forgive it all and forget?
Ancient rabbis taught that forgiveness should be granted 3 times. However when Peter asked if he should forgive more than twice that number, Jesus multiplied his number by 11 (or 70 depending on the interpretation). My exhortation for you is to answer with a 'yes'.

Love in Christ Jesus,
Keith
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Postby Sue-M on Sat Sep 01, 2007 5:34 pm

Keith, I agree. I do think that I need to forgive him. But, can I say that I think he's passed even Jesus's quota on forgiveness. Right now, I don't like him at all and I don't trust him. I think he's pushed me too far on the trusting. And I don't think I will be able to trust him again. Do you think that's wrong? I just feel betrayed and I don't feel that he's my friend at all. I know how he is and if I say something to him about this it will start a fight and he will never admit that he's done anything wrong. He has never once apologized to me for anything, ever. He's completely justified in his mind and has always been this way. Again, I'm invisible. I've told him that I feel invisible and he says that everything he does he does for us. He doesn't see what I am saying and because he is so justified in his mind about how he acts, he will never see my point of view. We have been married 10 years. This has been going on that long. The reason that this has gone on this long is because I have a really bad memory and I usually forget what he has done to me after a while. I think that's what he's counting on now. But, this was really damaging to my heart with what he told the office.

I've prayed before for God to soften my heart towards him so I can forgive him and God hears me everytime. So, I will pray this again. I don't really want to this time, but, I will. But, I don't know if I can or even should trust him.

Passion, I will try to get that book. I'm going to look it up on line right now to see how much it is. Thanks everyone. Thanks for listening to me. Thanks for helping me. Pray for me if you can. I hate this world.
Luke 21:28

When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.
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Postby Sue-M on Sat Sep 01, 2007 5:41 pm

Passion, Barnes and Nobel has it or $12.00. They also have Christian music. So, I'm going to go there tomorrow. Thanks.
Luke 21:28

When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.
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Postby Passion on Sat Sep 01, 2007 7:03 pm

:angel: Yay! Hope it helps a bit!

And just my :2cents: again, but imo, I think that you can forgive someone but still not trust them. I've forgiven the people who ripped us off and ruined our house, and I pray for them, but I would never, ever, trust them again. I've totally forgiven my ex--which really wasn't too hard once I admitted to myself that I was totally wrong in leaving him, and that I had done some horrible things, too. But because of the lies he told me (and told everyone else about me, including, I suspect, our kids), I don't trust him.

Forgiveness can't be earned, it's a gift of grace. Trust must--and should--be earned.
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me."

--Mica 7:7-8


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Postby CarolinaCJ on Sun Sep 02, 2007 4:40 am

Forgiveness can't be earned, it's a gift of grace. Trust must--and should--be earned.


That was great! I agree wholeheartedly!
cj

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Postby Sue-M on Sun Sep 02, 2007 5:32 am

Passion wrote::angel: Yay! Hope it helps a bit!

And just my :2cents: again, but imo, I think that you can forgive someone but still not trust them. I've forgiven the people who ripped us off and ruined our house, and I pray for them, but I would never, ever, trust them again. I've totally forgiven my ex--which really wasn't too hard once I admitted to myself that I was totally wrong in leaving him, and that I had done some horrible things, too. But because of the lies he told me (and told everyone else about me, including, I suspect, our kids), I don't trust him.

Forgiveness can't be earned, it's a gift of grace. Trust must--and should--be earned.


I feel this way also. But, I can't seem to grasp forgiving and trusting together. I don't trust, so, I place a wall around my heart and my mouth. To me, forgiving goes hand-in-hand with trusting. I have to learn how to do this. How to separate the two. And, I think that this is why I have broken down and reached out for help here. Because, I know that, for me, once trust is gone, so is forgiving.

Maybe, it's the forgetting part that is my problem. When I forgive I usually forget. Actually, I forget most things anyway, lol. But, how to forgive and not forget. See, when I don't forget, the memory comes back into my brain. And so does the anger. So, when this happens, I feel that I really haven't forgiven him. And, it's obvious that I haven't because I am still rehashing things that happened between us 10 years ago from the first lie told to me before the marriage.

So, maybe I do have a problem with forgiving. I don't know. I'm so confused.

I am a piece of work!
Luke 21:28

When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.
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Postby lime on Sun Sep 02, 2007 8:19 am

I feel so sorry for all of you that have husbands that make you feel the way you do! Everything that puts you down I mean..... I am so blessed to have a loving husband that really loves me.... the only thing is that he isn't a believer yet....

I pray for all of you...
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Postby Passion on Sun Sep 02, 2007 2:09 pm

Sue, I know exactly what you mean about the forgetting part. I used to say, "Well, I can forgive, but I can't forget!" Then I'd feel even worse when I'd hear some of the pastors on Christian radio quote that same line and say that there's no such thing--that if you haven't completely forgotten, then you haven't forgiven, either. So I thought, then, if that's true, then it's impossible for me to truly forgive, 'cause I can't help it if memories surface from time to time!

But the "Aha!" moment came for me when I was listening to a sermon where the pastor was talking about this, and I thought, oh, great, here we go again. But this was different--he was saying almost exactly what I'd been thinking, that we can't help it if bad memories pop up from time to time; and often it's the work of enemy, reminding of the bad things of the past in order to make us feel guilty all over again about something we've done, or made us ticked off all over again about something someone else has done to us. But the difference in having forgiven someone vs. not having forgiven them is this: If we say we have, but we've never prayed for them, and keep dredging up the old memories on our own and getting mad all over again; if we tell as many people as we can about how rotten someone was to us, but never mention that we've gotten over the intense anger, forgiven them, prayed for them, moved on, etc.; and/or we're harboring so much bitterness that even when the memories "accidently" pop into our minds, we get all bent out of shape again.....then it's a pretty good indication we haven't forgiven them in our hearts.

If, on the other hand, we no longer harbor that old hateful, bitter feeling towards them, that feeling that seems to eat us up; if we have made a concious choice to forgive them in our hearts and really feel that we have; if we don't purposely dredge up painful memories and get mad again; and, if the memories do come, we conciously make the decision to give them the boot; and if, in talking to others about it, we don't get upset again, and can talk about it matter-of-factly; and we sincerely pray for the person, wanting what's best for them, wanting them to come to Christ if they haven't yet, then we've forgiven them.

He went on to say that this doesn't mean we have to say or believe that what they did was o.k.--it wasn't. It doesn't mean we still don't feel a bit of hurt sometimes--we might. It doesn't mean we suddenly want to start hanging out with them, spending time with them--as in my case, I don't. It doesn't even mean we have to like them--we may not. But we are to love them--love them in the sense that, we don't want to hurt them by getting even, we don't wish them any harm; in fact, we can honestly pray that, if they haven't yet seen what they've done through God's eyes, that they soon would, and confess to Him, repent, and be restored in close relationship with Him, and be blessed (if they're saved); or if they're not saved, pray for conviction, salvation, the relationship, and blessings. And that we can take a good honest look back at ourselves in the past, and some of the rotten things we've done and said to others...didn't we want to be forgiven? And some of the awful things we may have said to or about God, and using His Name as a curse, and doing all the things He detests, etc.....didn't/don't we want Him to forgive us? If we can remember and do these things, we've forgiven those who hurt us....despite the fact that the memory wasn't magically zapped out of our minds. He also said that we can turn these memories around and use them to our and other's benefit, by learning and growing from them.

I know it seems impossible....forgiveness has always been one of my weakest points, all my life. God has helped me so much with that, and I am so grateful....BUT I recognize that, having been a major problem for me in the past, there's a good chance it could become one again in the future, so I pray often that He would continue to guard my heart and work on me in this area (not to mention a billion other areas! :roll: )

:praying: for you, dear!
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me."

--Mica 7:7-8


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Postby nickylouse on Sun Sep 02, 2007 9:21 pm

As I was thinking of any blessings of encouragement for those who are having trouble with forgiveness, I wrote some notes down. And then I got to Passion's last post. She covered all of my points and more.

Here's my advice: print her post because if you are having trouble, all of those things won't necessarily sink in right away. Read it from time to time. And as you do I am sure the love of God that dwells in you will reveal some of the truths that are hurting inside. Be courageous and trust in Him who loves you more than you can imagine.
On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea. (Luke 21:25-NIV)
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Postby Sue-M on Mon Sep 03, 2007 2:54 am

I just wanted to thank all you guys sooooo much! And anyone who prayed for me also. God is softening my heart, I can feel it. I also think alot of this is me and my problem. I think God is telling me this.

CrystalClear has been helping privately also with some stuff. All of it is helping me so much. I asked CrystalClear if she thinks I should put here what we have been talking about and I'm waiting to see if she thinks I should. If she thinks it's a good idea, I'll put our conversation up here also.

But, either way, this has all helped me. Passion, I am going to read the book that you suggested. And thank you for helping me with forgiveness. Lime, thank you for praying for me. Keith, I really appreciated your advice. CarolinaCJ, thank you for your prayers and advice also. Thank you, Operator, for your prayers. And anyone who I have forgotten or who prayed and didn't post. I don't want to forget to thank anyone because I know you have all helped me and I really appreciate it greatly.

I'd like to say that I am growing in the Lord and I guess that I am. But, right now I feel that I am a dirty rag and I know nothing and all I do is sin day after day. It's scarey how a person can sin and not even realize it. God is good to still care about me. He loves me over and over even when I don't deserve it. I think God has every right to be angry at me because I am His child and my husband is not. I should be the better one in this relationship.

I thought I married someone who was saved. That's what my problem is. But, reality is, I did not. So, I need to be in reality. My marriage isn't going to be "God centered". But, God wanted it this way for a reason. I have to let go of my "expectations" of what I want. I have to stop worshipping my "dream marriage" in my mind and get with the program.

I am God's slow learner. But, I will get there some day.

I love you guys!
Luke 21:28

When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.
Sue-M
 
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Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2006 8:15 am

Postby Sue-M on Mon Sep 03, 2007 2:59 am

Passion, I think that's a really good way to know if you have forgiven someone. If you can pray for them, pray that they will be saved. All this time I thought that I had forgiven my ex-husband. After all, I had peace inside. But, I never prayed that he would get saved. I gave up and thought that he would never believe. He divorced me because of me getting saved.

But, I realize that I really haven't forgiven him.

God is working on me, big time. :alrighty:
Luke 21:28

When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.
Sue-M
 
Posts: 1805
Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2006 8:15 am

Postby Passion on Mon Sep 03, 2007 12:14 pm

You and me both! I am a MAJOR work in progress! Oftentimes I ask God to be patient with me and just keep on molding me and shaping me into the vessel He wants; and then I have to acknowledge that it's a really long, tough, arduous process! :mrgreen:

Good thing He's so patient.
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me."

--Mica 7:7-8


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Postby Passion on Mon Sep 03, 2007 12:31 pm

nickylouse wrote:As I was thinking of any blessings of encouragement for those who are having trouble with forgiveness, I wrote some notes down. And then I got to Passion's last post. She covered all of my points and more.

Here's my advice: print her post because if you are having trouble, all of those things won't necessarily sink in right away. Read it from time to time. And as you do I am sure the love of God that dwells in you will reveal some of the truths that are hurting inside. Be courageous and trust in Him who loves you more than you can imagine.



Wow, Nicky, what nice things to say--thank you. BUT that wasn't me--it was totally God who brought all that stuff to mind. He's been doing that a lot lately! Because of my lousy health, and not being able to participate in my church's ministry/outreach efforts, I'd been bummed out and feeling useless to God. But lately here on FP--well, there's been times in the past, too, but especially the last few days--I've been reading threads like this and I feel terrible and sad for everyone who's hurting so bad, and think, I'd like to say something helpful or comforting, but what? Then I ask God to put the words in my mind, and He does. It's almost surreal.....like I'm being pushed and prodded (gently and lovingly, of course!), and suddenly Bible verses will pop into my mind....and I can never remember where I've read them, but always find them quickly and easily.

Yeah--totally God--especially when I remember the neighbor who came over when his significant other left him, crying like his heart would break, and me wanting to comfort him but not knowing what to do/say--so what did I do? Went and got another neighbor who was close to him. Nice. Or the woman in my former church, who's husband had just done something horrible to her, sitting there crying in the church bathroom, pouring out her heart; and again, I'm not much comfort. The feeling of intense relief when our mutual friend, who was a complete natural at being a comforter/counselor/cheerleader/listener, came walking in and took over. I've just never been good at that sort of thing, try as I might.....so anything good, helpful, or comforting I say here.....I know comes completely from God.

Gosh....maybe that's why He allowed me to be such a sorry comforter in the past--so now, He would get the glory..... :wink: :bag:
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me."

--Mica 7:7-8


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Postby Sue-M on Mon Sep 03, 2007 2:57 pm

Passion, you have helped me a lot of times. Here and the prayer post about my kids. BTW, I prayed for your kids today. And even when you were replying to Churchgirl (I forget everyone's real name) when you told about what happened with your house. That helped me to know that someone went through exactly what I went through. It's amazing how God uses the littlest things we say and do to make an impact on other people. Most times, we don't even realize we've had an impact and that's (just like you said) because, God deserves all the credit. But, God does tell us to encourage one another and you are good at that, I must say. :wink:

And another thing, whoever prayed for me is a very powerful prayer person. So, whoever you are, please, pat yourself on the back for me. :banana:
Last edited by Sue-M on Mon Sep 03, 2007 3:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Luke 21:28

When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.
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Postby Sue-M on Mon Sep 03, 2007 3:01 pm

I think my issue started out when we first got married, with the first lie. From there, I desired a "God-centered" marriage. My desire turned into demand and from there turned into an idol.

I found this great site that talks about how our wants and desires can turn into idols.

http://bookstore.peacemaker.net/html/heart.htm
Luke 21:28

When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.
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Postby Spreading Salt on Tue Sep 04, 2007 9:40 am

You and me both! I am a MAJOR work in progress! Oftentimes I ask God to be patient with me and just keep on molding me and shaping me into the vessel He wants; and then I have to acknowledge that it's a really long, tough, arduous process!

Good thing He's so patient.


Nicely put Passion!

Sue, wow! Welcome to our humble circle of brother's and sister's. Very good to have you on board to help encourage and grow us. Isn't the Lord just amazingly good?!?!?!?!?!

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't have to remind myself that God is in control and He sits on His throne. He moves in all our lives, whether we acknowledge Him or not. It helps me to claim Him as my Sovereign Lord, my Director and Guide in everything. There is NOTHING He can't handle and I need to let Him. I have read many books about being unequally yolked and how to submit the way God wants all people to. All of them are comforting and convicting at the same time. I encourage you to expand your library and grow in this area. Here are a few more for you to check out:

Jo Berry's BELOVED UNBELIEVER
Nancy Missler's WAY OF AGAPE
Chuck and Nancy Missler's WHY SHOULD I BE THE FIRST TO CHANGE?
Brent Curtis and John Eldredge THE SACRED ROMANCE (really good about men and their needs)

And please find wonderful hope and promise in Randy Alcorn's HEAVEN.

With all that said, the point I really want to get across today is that Yeshua is very much involved in your specific situations. He has a wonderful plan for you and your family. Please trust in Him and allow Him to use you every moment for His glory. His light in you will change and encourage those around you. I pray that you will find comfort in these words and that you will find time to read God's word and talk with Him every day. He is your ultimate source of power and strength.

I have added you to my UYSC list of prayer warriors. Blessings and hang in there sister! :a2:
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Postby Spreading Salt on Fri Sep 07, 2007 8:35 am

Good morning Family!

I read this today and thought I'd post it to give comfort and strength to all of us. Enjoy!

"When Jesus saw their faith......" Mark 2:5

Mark writes: "They came, bringing to Him a paralytic, carried by four men. Being unable to get to [Jesus] because of the crowd, they removed the roof...and...let down the pallet" (Mk 2:3-4 NAS). When it comes to bringing someone to Christ, always keep these 3 things in mind:

(1) Any time you pick up the weight of another person you'll find it's a heavy load! It took 4 of them to get this man to Jesus, so don't try it alone. Find someone who'll agree with you in prayer. "If two of you...agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in Heaven" (Mt 18:19 NIV). What a promise! And don't pick them up then drop them. Whatever you do, make the commitment and stick with it.
(2) Raise the roof if you have to! Bringing people to Christ has never been easy, so do what these 4 men did. The crowd was a problem so they went around it. The roof was a problem so they raised it. But they refused to give in or get discouraged. If what you've tried hasn't worked, ask God, He'll show you the way. Doctors can treat people but only the Lord can heal them within and without, so get them to Him.
(3) Use your faith; it's what moves God! Mark writes, "When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic...'Get up, take your mat and go home" (Mk 2:5, 11 NIV). Even though you're praying for someone who has little or no faith of their own, God will honor your faith, so put it into action! Bring them to Jesus expecting to receive -- He won't disappoint you!


(Taken from "On the right note" daily devotional, KLOVE radio :a2:
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Postby Passion on Fri Sep 07, 2007 12:20 pm

Thanks Salt, that was great! :a2:
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me."

--Mica 7:7-8


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Postby Passion on Fri Sep 07, 2007 12:26 pm

Sue-M wrote:Passion, you have helped me a lot of times. Here and the prayer post about my kids. BTW, I prayed for your kids today. And even when you were replying to Churchgirl (I forget everyone's real name) when you told about what happened with your house. That helped me to know that someone went through exactly what I went through. It's amazing how God uses the littlest things we say and do to make an impact on other people. Most times, we don't even realize we've had an impact and that's (just like you said) because, God deserves all the credit. But, God does tell us to encourage one another and you are good at that, I must say. :wink:

And another thing, whoever prayed for me is a very powerful prayer person. So, whoever you are, please, pat yourself on the back for me. :banana:



Oh, thanks so much for praying for my kids! My son is still stubbornly refusing to believe Jesus is Who He said He is (says "Those are just stories" . :twoheadbang: ); and although my daughter moved out her boyfriend's and in with other young women, she is still dating him. I have no idea whether or not this means she is still having sex with him....if so, what good did it do to move out? It would mean she's still unrepentant, so...both these brats (I say that lovingly) need prayer! :roll:

And thank you for your kind words for me! But I'm telling you, anything good or helpful I manage to do is totally from God!

Love 'ya sis! :hugs:
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me."

--Mica 7:7-8


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Postby Sue-M on Fri Sep 07, 2007 3:55 pm

Thanks for what you posted, SpreadingSalt. I wish I had believers that I knew near me to go out witnessing with. We just moved here a few years ago and I haven't met anyone yet. I went to one church, but, I haven't been back. I met a woman at the mall last week. She invited me to her church. But, she said the church used to be some "movement" or something and that they were moving away from it. So, I am a little afraid to go. But, she did tell me that they had street witnessing groups that go out. So, I am debating calling her and going. If God leads me to go, I will be compelled to call her.

I just had a thought. I gave her the address to this site. So, maybe she will come on here and see my post. If she does, then maybe she will call me. I gave her my phone number also. We'll see.

Passion, what you said makes me feel so good. It means that God extended His love and caring to me through you. I don't think I will ever have total peace in this life. I won't be at total peace until I hear Jesus tell me, "well done good and faithful servant". Until I hear those words, I will always be "fighting the good fight" if you know what I mean. So, anytime I can even think that God is looking at me with a smile, that just makes my day.......actually, it makes my year!
Luke 21:28

When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.
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Postby Passion on Fri Sep 07, 2007 5:55 pm

Sue-M wrote:Passion, what you said makes me feel so good. It means that God extended His love and caring to me through you. I love being used by God! Woohoo! :banana: I don't think I will ever have total peace in this life. I won't be at total peace until I hear Jesus tell me, "well done good and faithful servant". Until I hear those words, I will always be "fighting the good fight" if you know what I mean. I think that goes for all of us! So, anytime I can even think that God is looking at me with a smile, that just makes my day.......actually, it makes my year!


:a3:
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me."

--Mica 7:7-8


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Postby ChurchGirl on Sun Sep 09, 2007 5:34 pm

pssstt - love you guys! Still praying. I've gleaned so much from all your latest posts! Thank you.
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Postby seetiger33 on Sun Sep 23, 2007 6:51 pm

I have read alot of these post. My wife has made comments on several occasions such as.
"Is God(Jesus) all I can talk about in my conversations?"
Well considering he lives in me answer is yes.
She dont read her bible. Doesnt have much desire to be active in church that much and always has some excuse not to go. Im busy, got to work late, my child has homework I have heard them all.

Sad thing is . I believe God has called me to full time ministry and am currently in school. Been working on it for almost 1.5 yrs now.
What I mean by sad is my wife isnt even close to becoming ready to be a preachers wife or full time ministries wife of any kind.
I dont think she is saved at all. And at times she seems to care less about things I say.
Well pray for us we need it.
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Postby Passion on Sun Sep 23, 2007 8:59 pm

:wavewelcome: to the club, seetiger! You will find a lot of good fellowship and support here, and be prayed for a lot!

I can't help but think that, if God really is calling you to become of pastor....it just seems that that would mean He knows your wife is going to get saved, because I can't imagine Him wanting any of His pastors to have unbelieving spouses! So, we'll watch and pray for that about-face! :praying:
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me."

--Mica 7:7-8


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Postby Melissas210 on Mon Sep 24, 2007 4:14 am

:wavewelcome: seetiger! I will be praying for you and your wife.
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Postby Spreading Salt on Mon Sep 24, 2007 2:36 pm

:a2: Good to have you join us seetiger!

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

Dear Yeshua,

Please be with this family. I pray that You would direct their path. Use this ministry opportunity to open the eyes and ears of Seetiger's unbelieving wife. Break down the barriers Lord and may she receive You as her Lord of Lords and King of Kings. Amen.
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It is as if she is diging a hole for all of us in the family

Postby seetiger33 on Tue Sep 25, 2007 1:59 pm

So I get home before my wife does. I get mail. Well it seems like every weekl she is getting a bill from someone that she owes or some other bad news.
Today it was she didnt pay her traffic ticket so he liscense will be suspended if she dont pay up by 10/11.
Some may say why do you open her mail. I dont trust her so I feel it is my right as her husband to know what is going on in her financial life and it angers me. Why is keeping so many secrets? When I ask her why she seems to want to blaim me for it. Such as dont open my mail or it isnt my business and so on. Well I m not leaving her but daggumit sometimes I feel like it.
I cant leave her Jesus hates divorce and I dont want to disappoint Jesus.
Please pray for her. I am starting to just say Ill let God bring her to her knees and Ill just step out of way . If it takes pain in her life to bring her to point of acceptance than Ill just have to share it with her and rejoice when she turns to Jesus.
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Postby Passion on Tue Sep 25, 2007 2:27 pm

seetiger, in a couple of my posts on this thread I mentioned a book that was extremely helpful in showing me how to pray for my husband and my marriage. I'm telling you, it was amazing. It didn't happen overnight, of course, but it didn't take long to start seeing little positive changes here and there in both of us...and things just keep getting better and better! The author of that book, Stormie Omartian, also wrote one geared for men (or maybe it was her husband who wrote it--I can't remember--I think he at least helped); called "The Power of a Praying Husband". Perhaps if you were to get that book--even borrow it from the library, and read through it, praying like it talks about, it would help.

I'm not trying to say that these books are some magical antidote, or contain some amazing formula that if followed to the letter, will guarantee a good marriage. It's just that these books are Biblically sound, and give good insight and shows some really good, helpful ways to pray for our spouses and marriages.
:2cents:
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me."

--Mica 7:7-8


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Postby Spreading Salt on Tue Sep 25, 2007 3:25 pm

:a3: Passion! It is important for us to use the tools that God has provided through people who have "been there" and "done that".

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

Dear Yeshua,

Please be with seetiger33 today. Help him to know that You are with him and that You have a plan for his marriage. May he turn to You for his guidance this day and see Your blessings in his life. Amen.
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Postby nickylouse on Tue Sep 25, 2007 6:47 pm

:wavewelcome: seetiger

Satan is pulling double duty on you. He doesn't like it when anyone commits their life to ministry and will attack you. Be patient with your wife. Show her loving-kindness. Don't wait for her to lead you in that regard. Love her the way you know Christ Jesus loves us. Against such acts there is no law and therefore, you shall be blessed by God. Stand firm and know that prayer warriors are behind you should you stumble. Be humble, but also be very strong and courageous.

That evil one is also jealous of our God-given ability to love and be loved because he has none of it. That is why he uses unsaved spouses or even saved spouses who are not in lock-step with us.

Lord God Almighty, hear the prayers of the saints going up to Heaven. Light the path for us to walk in Your ways each step each day. Help us to stand together in Christ for the glory of Your Name. :a3:
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Postby ChurchGirl on Fri Sep 28, 2007 11:19 pm

:welcome: seetiger33

AMEN! Nickylouse - it is so sweet that there are hubbies here to support one another. As the head of the household you can lead by example, just turn your wife over to God - just say - God, I give up - she is all yours...whatever it takes, save her. Claim her belief and then expect something big to take place in her life (and yours) that will bring her to her senses and to Jesus.
Please know that you are in my prayers as well. It must be doubly hard as the leader in the family sometimes, when you are leading and they are not following.
Know this though....God may have put you two together so you could be her main witness. He knows what he is doing, even when we have no clue. He had to bring me and my husband to our end at different times in our lives, and I'm telling you - if my hubbie can get saved - LOL - then no one is ever too far gone. If I can get saved then you REALLY know it is possible for everyone. Sometimes He has to let us go into captivity before He can free us.
Loving on you brother! And :welcome: to the club.
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Postby seetiger33 on Sun Sep 30, 2007 8:29 pm

I am noit what you would call very supportive at times. I can be a downright ****. My wife needs me. People at church have said to me they noticed she isnt being herself. I get angry and wamma out comes mr **** hubby not the Christ loveing hubby.
I deserve hell nothing else. I do not deserve salvation, a wife that has patience, a daughter that is just filled with love and joy, and a God that has mercy and grace.
I am what Paul calls himself "chief of sinners".
Thats why I love Jesus so much . How can I not yet my outward attitude doesnt show it at times. Jesus just says come Ill take that wieght for you.
I say but Jesus I spit on you. Jesus says come . But Jesus I stomped on your face. Jesus says come. But but. No My child I forgave you no go and sin no more. I made that up but isnt he awesome.
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Postby Passion on Mon Oct 01, 2007 3:29 pm

:a3:
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me."

--Mica 7:7-8


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Postby Passion on Mon Oct 01, 2007 3:29 pm

:a3:
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me."

--Mica 7:7-8


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Having frustration on multiple fronts...

Postby CrystalClear on Sat Oct 06, 2007 6:49 pm

*edit*
Last edited by CrystalClear on Tue Jan 06, 2009 2:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby kazbo on Sat Oct 06, 2007 9:03 pm

I say but Jesus I spit on you. Jesus says come . But Jesus I stomped on your face. Jesus says come. But but. No My child I forgave you no go and sin no more. I made that up but isnt he awesome.


:a3: :a3: :a3:
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Postby Sue-M on Sun Oct 07, 2007 6:58 am

Seetiger33, I have the exact thing at my home also, except, I am the woman and my husband is the man (of course). So funny of me to say this. But, it's the same here but the opposite.

God has been telling me to let go of the money situation. If the bills don't get paid on time, so be it. I realize that the ticket is a serious thing. You don't want your wife to go to jail. If you wife doesn't pay the ticket by the 10th, pay it for her, if you can.

I think we are in the same situation. God has been trying to teach me to let EVERYTHING go that bothers me about my husband. God has been showing me that I am focusing on "stuff". Stuff that's really not important. And this is true in my case. I know that the ticket is important, but, the money to pay it isn't. Do you know what I mean?

I was getting angry the other day because I could hear my husband from outside of the bedroom and he was farting up a storm. I'm getting angry because, here we go again, the bedroom will smell when it's time for me to go to bed and I will throw up when I walk in there. God is so funny isn't He? He gives me the funniest tests. God says, it's only a smell. Chill Sue. Okay, God. I love You, that's what's important. And when I get to heaven, You will give me the greatest smell I have ever smelled. And You will say, (hopefully) "well done, my servant, Sue".
Luke 21:28

When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.
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Postby Passion on Sun Oct 07, 2007 4:00 pm

Sue-M wrote:I was getting angry the other day because I could hear my husband from outside of the bedroom and he was farting up a storm. I'm getting angry because, here we go again, the bedroom will smell when it's time for me to go to bed and I will throw up when I walk in there. God is so funny isn't He? He gives me the funniest tests. God says, it's only a smell. Chill Sue. Okay, God. I love You, that's what's important. And when I get to heaven, You will give me the greatest smell I have ever smelled. And You will say, (hopefully) "well done, my servant, Sue".


:rolllaughing: :laugh: Ohmygosh Sue! I am laughing so hard at that I am crying! I would be the little rolling-on-the-floor guy above if I could roll on the floor and get back up......but hey, I'm rolling in my heart! And I am definitely the little laughing/crying guy!

Once in a great while, after I've gotten up at night to go to the bathroom and come back to bed, I realize the bedroom smells something like what you described ! Although admittedly, it's usually the fault of both of us! :bag: But usually by that time of night, or in the morning, it just smells like a stuffy little closed-up room that's been filled with morning breath! Yuck! I think it's 'cause it's such a teeny, tiny room (the whole house is only 700 s.f.). And we both snore (bag again :bag: ). So after I get up I open the window, even in the dead of winter, at least for a few hours, and shut the bedroom door so the rest of the house stays warm. Heck, the room's so tiny, it heats up again real quick later on--and it smells good, too! :mrgreen:
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me."

--Mica 7:7-8


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Re: Having frustration on multiple fronts...

Postby Passion on Sun Oct 07, 2007 4:20 pm

CrystalClear wrote:Hi, all:

I'm having frustration on multiple fronts and am trying to post each on the appropriate forum. This one regards my husband, who just told me the other evening that the reason he tries to distance himself from getting deeply involved in his children's lives is because he "doesn't want to mess up what (I'm) trying to do". Meaning, because he listens to bad music and knows it, and can fling some pretty interesting cuss words and knows it, and feels like he doesn't want them to grow up anything like him, he's just better off staying out of most stuff because I'm trying to raise them to be Christian, believing people.

Well, just rip my heart out and feed it to me...

I tried to explain that the children know perfectly well that he's not a believer and so they don't expect he will act like one, either...to just forget it, do the best he can, but please offer them what he does have, which is any number of important lifeskills and interests!

Argh.

Thanks for listening...

CC :(


Crystal, don't hit me :fightfish: , but when I was reading your post, I was thinking, "That's kind of cool, in a way...." The reason I was thinking that was because it shows that he respects you and your beliefs, much as he might sometimes act otherwise, and he respects what you're doing with the kids. He knows it's a good thing and, even better--he knows he's a sinner! To recognize that you're a sinner, and to recognize that God's way is the best way, is such a huge, important first step! :whoohoo:

I can see why you're frustrated, though, esp. if he has good things he can teach the kids. Perhaps if you emphasized his strong points to him, and your appreciation of these strong points and how much the kids can learn from him that is helpful, he would give second thoughts to distancing himself from them.

In the meantime, keep praying and we'll be praying with you! :a2:
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me."

--Mica 7:7-8


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Postby ChurchGirl on Sun Oct 07, 2007 9:49 pm

Hi Family. I've been neglectng this post all week long, but have not neglected in praying for you.

CrystalClear - your hubby will come around. Mike was very much the same....and even now tries to defer to me on the spiritual level. Now that he is with the kids by himself he is seeing on his own that he needs to set this example.

The Lord has been impressing upon me that the biggest weapon we have is His Word. Not to beat our spouses up with it - but use His Word as our internal tool to bring us peace and command change in this world.

We do really have the power to move mountains, and we can effect the lives of our families by immersing ourselves in His Word, praying fervently and letting God do the rest. After all, He is the Father and we are but His children....still young and naiive in so many ways.

:praying: over you guys tonight.
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Postby CrystalClear on Mon Oct 08, 2007 3:32 pm

Passion: Gosh, you said some great stuff, I have no reason to whap you with a trout! :grin: I know you're right, it's just a very, veeeery weary feeling when you realize that he's done this for like, years...but he's just now able to verbalize why. He's always been respectful as possible and I've always encouraged him to give what he does have (and really, he has a lot to give). But, he has no personal esteem at all. Just this very quiet, loyal kind of guy who will be there for you yesterday if you have a need and he holds you in esteem, but has this silent rage against God. It's really sad.

Churchgirl: I felt comforted by the word picture you painted of us, His children, being "young and naive". I used to feel so frightened by the unknown that I'd severely strain myself to try and uncover every mystery I came across because I could not trust...had been taught not to trust...anyone. He's made some remarkable changes since that time, and I am content to indeed feel "little" in His sight, and not have to try and know it all. Abba is wonderful!

Wishing everyone blessings...and clean bedroom air! :banana:

CC :mrgreen:
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